Rope in the Basement

Oct 15, 2018 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Masturbation Monday, Memes & Prompts | 2

“Come on, kitty,” he says, giving me a little tug to get me to follow along, down the stairs, into the play room in the basement. I love public play, but I also love the play that is both public and private: at a play party, but down in the basement where it’s darker and closer and more intimate. This night, I’d been distracted by others’ negative energy in the main room and was having a hard time focusing on him and I, as I should have been. “Now,” he barks, his voice a sharp rebuke as I hold back, not yet in that sweet, compliant state. I hurry to comply. It’s dark down there, and I am not sure what he’s going to do. We had talked about rope, because that has been at the top of our minds, what with the photo shoot I am supposed to be…Read more …

Yellow Rope

Oct 15, 2018 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Sinful Sunday | 5

I’m exhausted, but can’t sleep. Had a long, really lovely weekend, unmarred by moodiness or angst (mine or anyone else’s in my vicinity), and featuring some good times with friends, with Viper, and with Adam. And even some enjoyable time on my own. Today (Sunday) quite unexpectedly, I wound up at a favorite local park of mine, tied up and hanging from a tree while my photographer friend Allan (that I have mentioned here, and shown some of the photos he’s taken of me), took pictures. It’s amazing what you can do right out in the open, if you’re a) fully dressed, and b) look like you’re “official,” doing a “photo shoot.” Which we were, though there were times I wasn’t always completely dressed (I had my boots and socks on, okay?) But most times I was in a lovely yellow dress or in a black tank and leggings, and…Read more …

A pause, a moment, a breath.

Oct 10, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 3

I woke this morning from a dream I had in which W was alive, only to remember that he wasn’t in the moments after I woke. That’s always a painful moment, when the realization hits – oh, wait, he’s not here anymore. This time, unlike some others when he has shown up in my dreams, I didn’t have the bittersweet joy – albeit short-lived, whist dreaming – of talking to him, of seeing him, of experiencing him alive once more, because in this dream I didn’t get to talk to him. I dreamed I was trying to each him via cell phone, but could not. I woke, reaching for my phone, to text him – “Call me!” Of course he never will. I don’t feel the overwhelming sadness at that thought that I used to, now. It comes with the understanding that our time has passed; that his time has.…Read more …

Escape

Oct 6, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 1

I wrote this earlier today, needing a break from menial tasks at work, and feeling by turns drained, frazzled & heartsick at the things that are happening politically in my country. I think, more than anything, I just want to escape that, I want this nightmare regime to be over, I want things to be better again. I want Trump and all his pussy-grabbing cronies to be gone. But the knowledge that Kavanaugh will certainly be confirmed means that they will have a hold on our world for much, much longer than it takes to oust Trump, and I am sick about it. The very worst that I feared from this election has come to pass. I am heartbroken and sickened. And I just want to escape. But, I realized, after coming home and working out and taking a nap and assessing my life, I don’t want to escape my life,…Read more …

A Self-Care Champion

Oct 3, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Food for Thought Friday, Life Before, Wicked Wednesday | 14

Damn I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. Well, not “writing” writing – you know, hot, steamy, messy, sexy writing – but lots of the writing that I originally created my blog for. It didn’t start out as a sex blog. I think that evolution happened with W. I was having all these amazing sexy encounters (with accompanying pics) and…well, I wanted to show them off. What we were doing, in images and words. I have never been able to color inside the lines, though, so my blog became a story as well, not just a series of encounters. It became the story of our lives – W’s, Ad’s and mine – as well as an account of all the sex we got up to. I really wanted to write about relationship dynamics, about being poly in a mono world, about being kinky in a non-kink world, and I…Read more …

Weekend Update

Oct 1, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 2

it’s hard to update on my phone, but I’m too lazy to get out the laptop or even my tablet. I’m laying here in bed drinking a vodka and Rum Chata (I either want to kiss or kill the coworker who introduced me to the stuff), after a full day of cleaning, puzzling, cooking and spending bits of time with Viper, who stayed over last night, and Adam, who I met for breakfast. It was a good day, though I had a brief sad period about 3/4 of the way through, feeling lonely. The roommate is out of town, V is with his family and Ad, well. He’s at his place. But I’ve recovered from that, and am feeling okay. This was a busy weekend. Friday I reached out to an acquaintance I have known in the scene for years, but who I have never actually spent time with outside…Read more …

Time keeps on slipping, slipping…

Sep 28, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff | 1

And here it is almost a week since Ad walked out with my words in the air between us: “I can’t do this anymore. I need someone who will take the initiative in his own life, who will take agency to make the life that he wants and needs.” He asked to have some time on Sunday for us to talk. I know he has been working through what I said, what his feelings are and what he wants in his life — I was going to type, “I hope that’s me,” but that’s not exactly what I mean. I know he wants me. That’s never been in question. I want to know what he wants, for himself, for his life. And I want to know that he will and is making steps to make that so – even if it does not involve me. Anyway. Here I am on a Friday…Read more …

All healing is first a healing of the heart

Sep 26, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 6

I can probably say I know a lot about healing. Not that I have suffered that much in my life. Seriously, I have been blessed in so many ways. But I have had to find a way to go on, as most of us do, after a tragedy. And I have found it. I believe I have found the path to healing because I have been so very blessed. To do anything else would be to throw the gifts of love and kindness and support away; to deny their power and importance in my life. And so, I find my way to a place of healing, even when I believe there is none.   This is truth, although, in the depths of being broken, I did not know it. I am better now than I ever was. Pain has sharpened my humility; sorrow has deepened my empathy. I am stronger,…Read more …

Trainwrecks and Ravines

Sep 25, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I feel like, somewhere between last Friday and today, my life went completely off the rails, and I am left standing here, staring down at the wreckage of the train, smoking and twisted at the bottom of the ravine. It’s not that dramatic, of course. Well, it felt that way…and sometimes, still does, when I am stumbling and grasping for a handhold, for a way through this to the other side, and all I come up with is…a blank wall. Absolutely no idea how to make things better, how to turn things around. How to stop that train from derailing. It’s those moments when I just want this to be a normal Tuesday, when I might or might not text Adam to come over, or to meet me out. When my choices are between taking a nice long walk or being lazy and reading in bed, or maybe watching Netflix…Read more …

Fractures

Sep 24, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Relationship Stuff | 1

My heart is heavy this morning. I haven’t heard from Ad since he walked out Friday night saying, “I guess I’ve got some things to work out.” I had just finished telling him that I needed more from a relationship – from our relationship. I need someone that is enthusiastic about the world. Who has curiosity and passion, who has initiative and motivation to do the things that need doing in order to make his world better. I need someone who is passionate about love and loving and me. Who has sexual energy as well as intellectual energy. Somebody with ideas and opinions and who brings as much to the table as I do. Who is an active participant in our relationship, not just a passenger. I am not surprised I haven’t heard from him, and I am not expecting him to reach out to me, to try to solve…Read more …