Summer’s End

Nov 5, 2017 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff, Sinful Sunday | 13

It’s finally the end of summer for real; fall has moved in with its glorious colors and cool, crisp temperatures. I wasn’t really ready to say goodbye. I said goodbye to something else too, recently: a romantic relationship with RG. A couple weekends ago I told him how I was feeling. I told him that, although I wanted (very much) to feel a certain way about him, although I had tried to feel that way, I just didn’t. I didn’t feel romantic towards him, and couldn’t have a sexual/romantic relationship with him. There are a number of factors that went into that realization, but the one I shared with him is my lack of emotional availability. I thought I had it in me to love someone else romantically, but…I just don’t. Everything I have is so wrapped up in V, there isn’t room for anyone else, except Adam. I love RGRead more …

Memory Lane

Nov 1, 2017 | Posted by in Life Before, Wicked Wednesday | 13

I have resisted all week in writing about this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt: “Memory Lane”. But I couldn’t keep my mind from going there. Such a dangerous place to go for me. Even thinking about it sends a quiver of dread, of anxiety, through me. I live with my memories – with the pain of them – so close to the surface, even now. Today, for some unknown reason, as I typed “November 1” in a document, my breath caught, tears blinded me. I don’t know why, or what triggered the response. I’m afraid to look back, to search for the source of the pain. I keep thinking, berating myself, “Aren’t you the fuck over it yet?” And yet I know I’m not. I have dozens of Scavenger Hunts that I – we – completed…but I can’t bring myself to post them. Even now, almost three years on, I justRead more …

Smoke and Mirrors

Oct 26, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Uncategorized, Wicked Wednesday | 4

It shouldn’t have happened, but after a perfectly lovely start to an evening out with Viper, we ended up in a huge fight. I could give reasons for my temper; explain how I was triggered, and, hurt, came out snarling and fighting, because that’s what I do when I’m hurt. But I won’t make excuses.  There may be reasons, but nothing excuses my behabior. Sometimes I feel like my life is a game of smoke and mirrors. One I am playing on myself as much as on my “audience.” I present myself to the world as one thing: a good person, loving, conscientious, giving; but I fear in my heart of hearts that the reality is far different. That deep down I’m this angry, damaged person. But I keep trying to fool the world, trying to fool myself. Even though I know my reactions didn’t happen in a vacuum, evenRead more …

The Date-Aversary Continues

Oct 12, 2017 | Posted by in Uncategorized | 7

We left dinner and headed to the party. It was a perfect summer evening, and I was feeling blissful and relaxed. The party is quite a ways out from the city, located in a large house, with various and extensive play spaces and gathering rooms. When we got there, we chatted with friends, said hello to his wife and her lover, and wandered around for awhile. After a short period, he told me the scene he was planning was to suspend me. It’s been a long time since rope was a consistent part of kink for me. V uses rope on me occasionally, sometimes to secure me to a piece of furniture, and sometimes as an element of the scene, but I am no longer the rope bunny I used to be, and I don’t trust my body to either bend the way it used to or to withstand theRead more …

A Peaceful Sunday

Oct 8, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Sinful Sunday | 13
jade naked

Last Saturday I didn’t stay over at Viper’s because of the Jewish holidays. Adam was supposed to be over both Friday and Saturday, but he had bailed on me due to work being a bitch and wearing him out. I could have invited RG over, but…it was unusual for me to have two whole nights alone on the weekend, and I was kind of reveling in it. So I didn’t invite him over either. I didn’t do much…a bit of homework, a lot of reading, some housework…oh, and a 42-mile bike ride with my daughter. But more about that later. Anyway, this was Sunday morning. I was laying in bed, relaxing, enjoying my freedom and my quiet house. Enjoying being alone. In that moment I didn’t want or need anyone’s company, anyone’s attention. I was perfectly comfortable to be my own best company. I had to take a snap justRead more …

Our date-aversary, in which I learn that there’s a correct way to eat sushi.

Oct 4, 2017 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 9

Apparently I’ve been doing it all wrong. “Don’t disassemble it,” V admonished, watching me pick apart an avocado roll to make more manageable bites. “Pick it up and put the whole thing in your mouth. It’s meant to be an explosion of flavor in your mouth, all the flavors at once.” Explosion in my mouth. I could think of something else I’d like to explode in my mouth. Back to the task at hand: an entire piece of sushi crammed in my mouth, me trying to chew around it. Hey…it was good. Fantastic, actually. He was right. Even if the size practically made me choke. How do I manage to deepthroat all those cocks? We were at the restaurant we’d gone to on our first date, and then on our first date-aversary, and now on our second. It’s a tradition, now, right? I guess we better hope the restaurant doesn’tRead more …

Sleeping Single in a Double Bed

Oct 2, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Life Before | 0

I love my bed. My bedroom is not quite the sanctuary that the one in the Treehouse was, though it’s getting there. But my bed! Newly purchased for this new space (the iron canopy wouldn’t fit), with a new comforter and (as usual) more pillows than any human has a right to, I LOVE snuggling down into it, burrowing myself into the pillows and blankets or starfishing and sleeping crooked. It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. Not just cuz I’m sleepy, but because I don’t want to leave the comfort and sweetness of my bed. Mostly, I sleep there alone. In all the seven years that I was with W, I maybe slept alone three times. I was always with one or the other or both. And I loved it. I hated sleeping alone. But now…now I sleep alone more often than not, and most often,Read more …

Labels

Sep 21, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 1

I learned a brand new-to-me term for a poly partner: anchor partner. I’m familiar with primary partner, of course, and nesting partner, but “anchor” is a new one to me. I believe it encompasses exactly what role Adam is in my life, though. I’ve never had an issue with labels. Language and the words we use are how we communicate ideas to one another. Unlike some people, I don’t feel that a label is necessarily limiting, nor does it have to be all-encompassing. To me, a label is a starting point. A place where we can pause and reflect, and then expound upon it – or not – as needed. When I was with W and Adam, W insisted on a hierarchical approach to labeling our relationships. Adam was “primary,” W was “secondary.” He insisted on it being that way. But it was not very long before I knew thatRead more …

Wishes

Sep 18, 2017 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff | 2

It’s the end of two nights together. I am at the dining room table, both laptops open while I work on homework. Surprisingly, we had not had a heavy scene over the two nights. Saturday we had played at our local groups’ playspace, but it had been a rope scene – more predicament and psychological play than straight-up impact. Remembering balancing on one leg, the other high up in the air, spreading me open for all to see; the rope tight around my torso, arms and leg; the feel of whatever-it-was he was whacking me with sharp and insistent as I spun away from him and struggled to stay upright. Then him drawing me in close. “What’s a kitty say?” he whispers in my ear. “No,” I say, just to resist. He smacks my thigh. “What’s a kitty say?” “Ow!” I yelp. He smacks me again, sharper. “What’s a kittyRead more …