I think I’m supposed to say something profound now. I mean, I’m back, right? Here am I in the blogging world again…
Sort of, anyway.
Welcome to my new home on the web, by the way. It’s not very flashy, in fact it’s pretty stripped down, and I have a lot of maintenance to do, as I’m sure you’ll notice if you click on any of the links. At the moment I’m trying to decide if I should bring over any of the content from the various memes that I’ve participated in from K&P, or if I’ll leave it there. I’m sure it’ll be a long, drawn-out debate with myself. It’s still hard to be over there at K&P, still painful to look at everything, to see everything…him, his smile, our joy, the life we built, our happiness…and be confronted again by all that I have lost.
So, that part – whether or not I bring any of the K& P content over here – remains to be seen.
Meanwhile, I am moving forward. Into this new life, this new chapter of my life. It’s hard not to look back. It’s hard not to compare now with then, and I know that is especially hard on my new partners. But I’m trying. I have to live in the NOW, not in the past. This quote really hit home today:
The art of living… is neither careless drifting on the one hand nor fearful clinging to the past on the other. It consists in being sensitive to each moment, in regarding it as utterly new and unique, in having the mind open and wholly receptive. ~Alan W. Watts
There are many ways that now is better than then. I feel guilty for saying it, but I have to admit it because it’s true. There are pieces that I wanted, things I wanted in that relationship, that I didn’t get, but that I do now. As wonderful as it was, it wasn’t perfect, no relationship is, because humans aren’t perfect. And I’m okay with that – that’s life. But now…I’m getting to experience pieces of myself I never knew existed. I am discovering things that I never thought I’d enjoy. I am sharing the love and friendship of people I never would have known if things had not changed so drastically.
I will be talking, probably too much, about those things here, I’m sure. It’ll take a bit to get my blogging feet under me again, but…I’m back.