One of the most empowering things about masturbation is that through self-pleasuring, we learn about our bodies. We learn what feels good and what doesn’t, what makes us tick; how our bodies work and how we can give ourselves pleasure. When we learn to give ourselves orgasms, we are then able to teach our lovers how to do so, and invite them to share this intimate space with us, where everyone reaches sexual fulfillment, in whatever form that takes.
Knowing our own bodies intimately gives us agency over and responsibility for our own pleasure. When we encounter a selfish lover, someone who doesn’t care if we are satisfied sexually, or who ignores our attempts to teach them how to help us achieve orgasm, we know that ultimately we own our own orgasms – we don’t have to rely on them “give them” to us. It can be an empowering feeling. It’s given me the strength to walk away from a relationship that wasn’t sexually satisfying, and, conversely, to stay with a person I loved even though the sex was disappointing.
How we get to an orgasm is not the same for everyone. What works for Joe might not work for Ben, and what worked for Mary this time might not work for her the next. My first attempts at self-pleasuring were accidental: I climbed a pole when I was seven or eight and felt this funny feeling between my legs. It was a funny good feeling. I really wanted to feel that feeling again. So I tried several times to recreate it, but was finally stopped by an older sibling who told me it was “bad.” She made me feel deeply ashamed for what I was doing, though she never explained what exactly it was that was bad. I just knew that the really good feeling was something to be ashamed of – and thus began my first associations with masturbation and the pleasure it brings as something shameful.
Viper gave me an interesting assignment the other day. Mostly it was fun wank material disguised as research (or not wank material, as I was given instructions not to orgasm while doing it – I failed), but the original suggestion – “research masturbation techniques” – was a sound one, and I was surprised at the number of articles there were out on the ‘net on the topic. There are so many different ways and means to self-pleasuring, in fact, that I could practically write a dissertation on it, especially when you take into account both male and female genitalia.
So, after a copious amount of research (and an orgasm or two, assisted by a certain glass dildo), here are some interesting ways to get off (if you have female genitalia.) In the next few days I’ll look at how men masturbate.
1. Unique Sex Toys Speaking of that glass dildo (pictured above), have you ever tried glass toys? How about steel, or wooden toys? If you haven’t, do a little research via the blogs of reputable sex toy reviewers (Epiphora, Sunny Megatron and Dangerous Lilly are a few that come to mind) and do it. Today. I have several of each material myself, and love them all for their unique qualities: the smooth glide of glass, the earthy, natural feel of wood, the heft and mental place that steel puts me in. Trust me, you won’t be sorry. Unique also comes in styles of sex toys. Vibrating toys of all shapes and sizes, anal toys made purely for pleasure, toys that stimulate the clitoris or the g-spot or both at the same time. Toys of unique shapes and sizes, or that mimic the phallus’s of fantastical creatures – including particularly well-hung porn stars, dragons, horses and aliens. Stretch your boundaries a little – solo play is a great time to try out new things, all within the comfort of your own home and with only yourself to observe. Go wild!
2. Pussy Spanking One of my first Dominant lovers introduced me to the gentle (and not so gentle) art of pussy spanking, after we’d played around with spanking my bottom for some months. I was shocked the first time he did it, but then grew to love the gentle build-up in pressure and speed, until finally, I learned to orgasm from it. Before I started this little project, I had never considered trying to make myself orgasm that way, however. I still haven’t tried it, as I think, for me, a lot of the impact is psychological – having my pussy spanked by someone else is a whole other thing than doing it myself! But from what I read and saw, it appears that the method is similar to when my long-ago Dom did it: start out with gentle pats over the entire vulva, front and back, paying attention to where it feels good, perhaps even slapping our inner thighs if you find that stimulating, then gradually increase the tempo and intensity, and maybe beginning to focus on the clitoral area. Try different intensities, using your fingers vs your whole hand or palm, spanking faster or slower or in different areas from front to back. I’m eager to give it a go one of these days myself. :-)
3. Bathtub Orgasm Almost every woman that has ever used a handheld shower has experimented with “washing” their pussies very, very well with it. Heck, my 70-year old mom shocked my sister and I one day by launching into an ode to her new showerhead: “You have to get one, girls. You’ll be sooo glad you did – if you know what I mean!”
(Edit: I was talking about this with a girlfriend, and when I mentioned it, thinking I was one of few, she said that was the way she’d got her first orgasm too, and that she knew a lot of women that used this method and said it was their favorite way to orgasms. Oh for my back to heal so I can start experimenting with it again!)
4. Humping a Pillow or Other Object I confess that I’ve never done this (unless you count my first pole climbing attempts. Huh…wonder if there could ever be a way to do that again? ;-) ) In fact, I’ve never masturbated face down, except while being fucked doggy style. But I ran across many mentions of this technique, so, since it’s new to me, I thought I’d include it. It looks just like it sounds – find an object that is stiff enough to provide pressure on your clitoris, but squishy enough to have some give, put it between your legs and give it a ride! Experiment with where to apply the pressure, where to position the object, how fast or slow you go. Try using your fingers between your body and the object, or maybe your whole hand to cup your mons. Try inserting a dildo and using your body to rock it into and out of yourself. The variations are endless!
5. Electricity As in: an electric toothbrush. Apparently everyone else in the world knows about this except me. Did you? I don’t know why I never thought of it – and I just got one for Christmas! But boy howdy the videos I saw of it looked by turns fun, silly, orgasmic – and, in some cases, annoying. That little head has very high vibrations…and it’s small and compact, to put pressure directly on the clit. Would it feel good or make me grit my teeth? I guess I will have to try some day and let you know…or maybe you can tell me, if you’ve done it!
Do you have a unique way of getting off? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!