“I only hope that I won’t disappoint you
When I’m down here on my knees…
…and sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give.”

On my knees, head bowed, hands on my thighs. You stand before me, looking down, a stern expression on your face. “I’m sorry,” I say, “please forgive me.” There is a moment of hesitation, a moment in which I feel the ground beneath me and the weight of your displeasure above me. A moment in which I am small, and humble, a supplicant. Then you lay a hand on my head. “You’re forgiven,” you say, and tilt my head up to look into your eyes and see that it is true. I treasure this moment, this feeling of utter submission, of being in my place at your feet.

*************************************************

We make our way through the crowd, the noise rising and falling all around us, the crowd pressing in on me, making my anxiety spike. How will I ever be able to focus enough to play? To find that quiet place where it is just he and I, where my focus is all on him? We arrive at a piece of furniture and he puts down the toybag then turns to face me. I try to smile, but I am sure my anxiety shows in my face. He smiles gently at me, then, without a word, points to the floor at his feet. Without taking my eyes from his, I sink to my knees. Once there, I drop my gaze, bow my head, place my hands behind my back as he has trained me to do. “Stay,” he says. Then he turns away, leaving me there. A shuddering sigh escapes me and the world and its worries begin to fall away. This is familiar, this is comforting. As I kneel there, a calm settles over me. The crowd and noise recedes. There is only he and I in this circle now.

*************************************************

I wait, naked, kneeling, with knees spread, hands on thighs with palms up, eyes cast down. I feel completely vulnerable in this position, vulnerable and open, waiting for your approval as you complete your inspection. You circle me, searching for any flaw in my demeanor. After a moment, I feel your hand on my back, in between my shoulder blades, pressing down. Now you will complete your inspection, this final part, hands on my buttocks, spreading them open, fingers exploring crevices and dark, musky holes as curl myself down over my legs…

*************************************************

I have often had kneeling as a part of the ritual of my D/s relationships. Even if a Dominant does not require it as part of a specific ritual, I will often find myself in the position on my own. It is a natural, physical manifestation of the emotional space that D/s puts me in, and I find it hard not to express it that way.

My ex-husband, and Dominant for the last five years of our relationship, used kneeling as part of a ritual to move from vanilla space to kink space. At home, he would have me undress and kneel after we entered the bedroom, with wrist and ankle cuffs across my thighs, and wait for his approval. Sometimes he would “inspect” me physically before placing the cuffs on me, poking his fingers into my body, looking in my mouth, spreading my thighs or butt cheeks with his hands. His tone – whether authoritative, dismissive, harsh, or gentle and loving – often came through in these moments, and prepared me for the scene to come. They were also moments of connection and intimacy that brought us both out of being husband, wife, employee, parent, and into being Dominant and submissive.

He also had me kneel each time before public play as he laid out the toys and tools of the trade. This was a quiet moment for me, a reflective time, and helped to calm and center me in the midst of the noise and excitement. Before we started play he would come and stand by me, his hand on my cheek or in my hair, and I would simply breathe in the space kneeling before him had created in me.

Then he would pull me to my feet and do awful things to me. 😉

I’ve had other Dominants use kneeling occasionally, but mostly as punctuation, not as ritual, as he did. Although I miss it – and the power it has to transport me out of the mundane, vanilla, world – it’s possibly for the best that I am not required to kneel a lot. My recent back issues have made kneeling difficult. Not impossible, but difficult and painful.

Still, I try. I have a morning ritual, a recitation, that I do daily for Viper.  When I am able, I like to do it kneeling by the bed. This is not a requirement, but I like the feeling of it, and I think Viper would like to know I am doing so as well. I will admit though, it is easier to do in the the privacy of my own home, when I am alone, than when I am with him. In fact I have never knelt by the bed to do it when I am with him. I’m not sure what the barrier is…a fear of appearing foolish perhaps? Not wanting him to witness my gracelessness? I used to sink into kneeling with such grace, damn it! And now it is painful and awkward and I am embarrassed by my recalcitrant, changed, body.

I hope, someday, to find myself graceful in that position once again, as it does such lovely things to my head, regardless of the pain its causing my body. 🙂

 

sinful1

Kink-of-the-WeekLips-mark-sq-150

 

On my knees

4 thoughts on “On my knees

  • July 17, 2016 at 11:21 pm
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    I know all about the lack of grace, I’ll bend and gentle get onto my knees but very often a crunch that you can feel right through the floor will puncture the mood followed by a squeal as sharp shooting pains remind me I need to get off my knees! So, sadly, it’s now a ritual for me either.

    Reply
  • July 24, 2016 at 8:42 pm
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    So glad you made this Kink of the Week. Hopefully you will enjoy the next topic too which is vibrators. I know what you mean about changing bodies being annoying. I can kneel but not for as long as I used to be able, it makes my ankles and knees ache in the end… luckily he will often give me a pillow to help with that

    mollyxxx

    Reply
  • July 25, 2016 at 5:38 am
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    Hello again. Silverdrop cannot kneel at all any more, she wouldn’t be ab;e to get up again, and I can’t help much. Lovely pics.

    Reply

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