Monthly Archives: November 2017

Summer’s End

Nov 5, 2017 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff, Sinful Sunday | 13

It’s finally the end of summer for real; fall has moved in with its glorious colors and cool, crisp temperatures. I wasn’t really ready to say goodbye. I said goodbye to something else too, recently: a romantic relationship with RG. A couple weekends ago I told him how I was feeling. I told him that, although I wanted (very much) to feel a certain way about him, although I had tried to feel that way, I just didn’t. I didn’t feel romantic towards him, and couldn’t have a sexual/romantic relationship with him. There are a number of factors that went into that realization, but the one I shared with him is my lack of emotional availability. I thought I had it in me to love someone else romantically, but…I just don’t. Everything I have is so wrapped up in V, there isn’t room for anyone else, except Adam. I love RGRead more …

Memory Lane

Nov 1, 2017 | Posted by in Life Before, Wicked Wednesday | 13

I have resisted all week in writing about this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt: “Memory Lane”. But I couldn’t keep my mind from going there. Such a dangerous place to go for me. Even thinking about it sends a quiver of dread, of anxiety, through me. I live with my memories – with the pain of them – so close to the surface, even now. Today, for some unknown reason, as I typed “November 1” in a document, my breath caught, tears blinded me. I don’t know why, or what triggered the response. I’m afraid to look back, to search for the source of the pain. I keep thinking, berating myself, “Aren’t you the fuck over it yet?” And yet I know I’m not. I have dozens of Scavenger Hunts that I – we – completed…but I can’t bring myself to post them. Even now, almost three years on, I justRead more …