Summer’s End

It’s finally the end of summer for real; fall has moved in with its glorious colors and cool, crisp temperatures.

I wasn’t really ready to say goodbye.

I said goodbye to something else too, recently: a romantic relationship with RG. A couple weekends ago I told him how I was feeling. I told him that, although I wanted (very much) to feel a certain way about him, although I had tried to feel that way, I just didn’t. I didn’t feel romantic towards him, and couldn’t have a sexual/romantic relationship with him. There are a number of factors that went into that realization, but the one I shared with him is my lack of emotional availability. I thought I had it in me to love someone else romantically, but…I just don’t. Everything I have is so wrapped up in V, there isn’t room for anyone else, except Adam. I love RG – dearly – as a friend. And loving him so is what kept me from being honest before now, even when I knew that it just wasn’t there for me, that I couldn’t return his feelings for me: I didn’t want to lose that friendship. I think – hope – that I haven’t. But I also recognize and respect that he may need to disengage himself from me emotionally, and the last thing I want to do is to hurt him further by pressing for the friendship I value so much.

I had taken to sending him pictures occasionally, sometimes on my own, sometimes at his request. This image is the last one. He asked me to send him a picture of my feet in the water one day while I was at a party. It was a bright, happy picture, the clear blue water and my red toenails. But now, with summer at its end, it feels bittersweet, and, somehow, this way reflects my feelings more.

 

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Comments

  1. Violet

    Change is never easy, I hope you’re doing well with everything. This is a great picture and it reflects your words so well.

    Reply
  2. Aurora Glory

    This is a great image and I love how it symbolizes your feelings so accurately. I am glad you have done what is right for you and I hope you are able to maintain your friendship.
    Aurora x

    Reply
    1. Jade Post author

      Thanks, Molly. I think it was right for both of us, really. I didn’t want to keep him hanging on, believing in something that wasn’t there. He deserves better than that.

      Reply
  3. Bee

    I’m sorry, that’s so hard to do. I’ve recently had to say goodbye to a good friend, it hurts. But it sounds like it was right for you.

    Reply

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