Monthly Archives: September 2018

Time keeps on slipping, slipping…

Sep 28, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff | 1

And here it is almost a week since Ad walked out with my words in the air between us: “I can’t do this anymore. I need someone who will take the initiative in his own life, who will take agency to make the life that he wants and needs.” He asked to have some time on Sunday for us to talk. I know he has been working through what I said, what his feelings are and what he wants in his life — I was going to type, “I hope that’s me,” but that’s not exactly what I mean. I know he wants me. That’s never been in question. I want to know what he wants, for himself, for his life. And I want to know that he will and is making steps to make that so – even if it does not involve me. Anyway. Here I am on a FridayRead more …

All healing is first a healing of the heart

Sep 26, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 6

I can probably say I know a lot about healing. Not that I have suffered that much in my life. Seriously, I have been blessed in so many ways. But I have had to find a way to go on, as most of us do, after a tragedy. And I have found it. I believe I have found the path to healing because I have been so very blessed. To do anything else would be to throw the gifts of love and kindness and support away; to deny their power and importance in my life. And so, I find my way to a place of healing, even when I believe there is none.   This is truth, although, in the depths of being broken, I did not know it. I am better now than I ever was. Pain has sharpened my humility; sorrow has deepened my empathy. I am stronger,Read more …

Trainwrecks and Ravines

Sep 25, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I feel like, somewhere between last Friday and today, my life went completely off the rails, and I am left standing here, staring down at the wreckage of the train, smoking and twisted at the bottom of the ravine. It’s not that dramatic, of course. Well, it felt that way…and sometimes, still does, when I am stumbling and grasping for a handhold, for a way through this to the other side, and all I come up with is…a blank wall. Absolutely no idea how to make things better, how to turn things around. How to stop that train from derailing. It’s those moments when I just want this to be a normal Tuesday, when I might or might not text Adam to come over, or to meet me out. When my choices are between taking a nice long walk or being lazy and reading in bed, or maybe watching NetflixRead more …

Fractures

Sep 24, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Relationship Stuff | 1

My heart is heavy this morning. I haven’t heard from Ad since he walked out Friday night saying, “I guess I’ve got some things to work out.” I had just finished telling him that I needed more from a relationship – from our relationship. I need someone that is enthusiastic about the world. Who has curiosity and passion, who has initiative and motivation to do the things that need doing in order to make his world better. I need someone who is passionate about love and loving and me. Who has sexual energy as well as intellectual energy. Somebody with ideas and opinions and who brings as much to the table as I do. Who is an active participant in our relationship, not just a passenger. I am not surprised I haven’t heard from him, and I am not expecting him to reach out to me, to try to solveRead more …

I don’t know where to go with this.

Sep 21, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff | 6

I’m not the kind of person that breaks up with a lover over and over, only to go back to them. Except fuck, yeah, I’ve tried to break up with Viper half a dozen times, and haven’t succeeded. But not with Adam. Adam and I broke up tonight. I’m not sure where or how to go from here.

Girls’ Weekend, cont.

Sep 20, 2018 | Posted by in Life Before, Scavenger Hunt, Throwback Thursday | 0

First, in honor of the weekend, a Scavenger Hunt that I did years ago in Chicago, after a 4-mile walk down the Lake Michigan shoreline with Ad and W. I had a couple of reminders about that trip while I was in Chicago this last time, so it seemed fitting that I would do a Throwback Thursday Scavenger Hunt featuring it. I tried to find the posts I wrote about the trip in Kink & Poly, so I could reference it for anyone was interested in reading about it, but that was a little too deep down memory lane, and I gave up. In any case, the memory of these pictures makes me happy. It was a trip where W and Ad and I had brought W’s granddaughter’s moose stuffie along with us and took pictures of it everywhere, so he could share his travels with her. And where, whenRead more …

Give it to Me Loud

Sep 13, 2018 | Posted by in Uncategorized | 2

For some reason, when I first saw the title of someone else’s post on this week’s Food for Thought Friday prompt (“Being Vocal” by submissy), my mind went straight to Viper telling me dirty stories – and making me tell him dirty stories – during sex. Then I thought about the way being talked to a certain way during play turns me on. And the way just a change in tone of voice can make me wet – or make me feel contrite. And I started getting all excited, because that’s what good writing and fantasies – even my own – does to me. Then I read the actual prompt, and I realized they weren’t talking about that at all – they are asking about the sounds you, and/or your partner(s), make during sex. Ohhhhh! Well that’s a whole ‘nuther thing now, innit? But maybe not so much. Lots ofRead more …

Someday…

“Someday” is a really hard concept for me. I have always been an “in the moment” person. Delayed gratification has never been my strong suit. One of my earliest memories is one I am ashamed of, and yet so epitomizes me in regards to delayed gratification. My “real” dad, my biological father, got to see me only every other Saturday, and even that my mom and stepdad did their best to ruin or minimize if they could. We’d go on some adventure, and then, on the way back to my mom’s, we’d split a Hershey bar. It was our special treat (and it is my favorite chocolate to this day.) On this Saturday, he was running late in getting me back to my mom. I didn’t know then what I  do now: any minor transgression my mom would report to the court, to use against my father to deny himRead more …

A Magical Weekend, or the Weekend of the Misplaced Bra

Sep 11, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 2

So much magic. So many connections. So many things happened – even when they seemed to be a “bad thing” – in just the right, perfect way. Today, as I left, in just the airport, I met and talked to a fascinating woman at the bar for an hour about all the things. I have no idea why she decided to talk to me. She just took the stool next to me and the next thing we knew we were talking about…hell. Everything.  Work and life and jobs and divorce and satisfaction and new loves and old; about being happy or being content, and whether they were the same thing. About taking chances. About living, truly making the choice to live, not just survive. Then there was the guy in line that commiserated with me when I couldn’t hear the announcements for onboarding the plane. For 15 minutes while weRead more …

Girls’ Weekend!

Sep 7, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade | 2

Heading to the Windy City this weekend for a girls’ weekend with a much-loved friend – who I haven’t seen in three years. We met at a kink event, and that is actually the only place we’ve  met in person – various kink events, and once for a week at my house. The rest of the time we have kept in touch – for, oh, about 7 years? – via Facebook and text. I know everyone (including me) decries how technology distances us from people, but in this case (and with many of my long-distance friends) it brings us – and keeps us – together. Or at least in touch. We have a big weekend planned. I arrive in Chicago at 8am tomorrow morning. Which means flying out at 7, which means I need to be at the airport at 6am latest. Which means I have to leave Viper’s houseRead more …