Damn I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. Well, not “writing” writing – you know, hot, steamy, messy, sexy writing – but lots of the writing that I originally created my blog for. It didn’t start out as a sex blog. I think that evolution happened with W. I was having all these amazing sexy encounters (with accompanying pics) and…well, I wanted to show them off. What we were doing, in images and words. I have never been able to color inside the lines, though, so my blog became a story as well, not just a series of encounters. It became the story of our lives – W’s, Ad’s and mine – as well as an account of all the sex we got up to. I really wanted to write about relationship dynamics, about being poly in a mono world, about being kinky in a non-kink world, and I did, to a degree. But most of what I published was about sex, straight-up. W loved it. Ad never read or looked at it. I’m not sure how V feels about it. And me? Well, I’m still here, plunking away at the keyboard.
Tonight I don’t feel much like meandering down the streets and alleys of what’s going on in my relationships; in my head; in my heart. I kinda just want to…write. A prompt, maybe? Wicked Wednesday – Champion? Or how about the current Food for Thought Friday – Self Care. Or, oooh…the Kink of the Week – Erotic Hypnosis prompt, perhaps? Or, oh, here’s one with one of my all-time favorite paintings, Friday Flash #25 – His Favorite Girl. Decisions, decisions.
Actually, I think I can kill two birds with one stone – write two prompts in one post.
Food for Thought Friday is about self-care. And Wicked Wednesday is called, “champion.”
Do you take time for self-care? What do you do for yourself? How often do you take time for it?
What do you think of when you hear the word “champion”? Is there someone that is a champion to you?
Self-care is something I have learned to take very seriously. It used to be that “self-care” meant indulging in an ice cream cone once in awhile. Or deliberately slowing down and taking a breather, asking W to help me say no to too many obligations, taking a hot bath by myself.
It’s a whole ‘nother animal, now.
I don’t think I needed as much self-care, then. I had two relationships that filled my world, two men who loved me and cosseted me and made “Jade-care” a thing they did for me – and “W” and “Adam-care” was a thing I did for them. It had nothing to do with W’s and my D/s dynamic – it was an expression of our love, each for the other. Even W and Adam’s friendship became part of that. Self-care was more about not letting myself get too overwhelmed, with making myself slow down and appreciate life rather than running through it full tilt, about letting myself have a day of no responsibilities every so often. And the guys knew that, and made sure it happened.
They were my champions.
Now I am my own champion. And self-care is something I have learned the importance of, and honed my skill at, and make myself do regularly. No one else is going to do it for me (“self” care, right?) And I have oh-so-many-more reasons to need it. So I have spent a good portion of the last 18 months learning to be my own champion. Learning the value of self-care, and how and when to administer it.
I even have a dry erase board with prompts for when I am feeling low and forget that I can do things to make myself feel better.
…might be the walk I take at the park at lunch, instead of eating lunch at my desk.
…or packing the week’s homemade lunches in little daily containers so I have something healthy to eat – without having to scramble to put it together in the morning – rather then giving myself an excuse to get Micky D’s.
…or it could be a long walk by the lake to this little lakeside cafe I enjoy, there to have dinner by myself on the patio, listening to whatever band is playing.
…or maybe making sure I get a full night’s sleep.
Working in my yard is another form of self-care. Growing things, either for beauty or food, gives me a quiet pleasure – and feeling of order – that is soothing when the rest of my world feels like it is careening out of control. I think crocheting has this same effect.
This week self-care was re-activating my YMCA membership for the fall/winter, so when I want to, I can go swimming, and hopefully stop pining for my lost ability to run. Swimming is definitely self-care. It calms my mind, makes me feel refreshed. And, as I have come to recognize, so is any kind of exercise. It really isn’t about toning or strengthening or achieving anything anymore. It’s simply about self-care. It quiets the hamster-head.
Self-care is learning to enjoy – immensely – my time alone, whether I fill it with activities or choose to veg and read a book or nap under a shade tree.
What about sex?
In the Food for Thought Friday blog, the question was asked about whether sex is an act of self-care. Or where it fits in with self-care. I think, maybe, masturbation used to fulfill that role. But my sex is so completely controlled by V now that it’s hard to describe it that way. It’s less about myself, even when I pleasure myself, because it is done at his order, or with his permission. Maybe when I ask for an orgasm, that is about self-care. Maybe. I’d have to give that some thought.