The Weekend at Kinky Kollege

A Play-by-Play (sort of)

Friday

I have such a goddamned piss-poor memory. Here I am, at Kinky Kollege in Chicago, trying to remember if I have been to this event alone before. I remember doing a scene with my friend Bad Beast, and saying goodbye to him the next day…and I was alone then…so…I must have? But I don’t remember traveling up here or being here alone. So I’m confused.

Was that the “Play to Red” scene time…I don’t think so. Mj was there. Adam and Warren were there.

So no.

So when was it?

I am also remembering going to Cope alone. But also driving back from Cope with Viper. So…it must have been two different times. Did I play those other times, when I was alone? I don’t remember that either.

Anyway, I’m here now, at Kinky Kollege (a twice a year kink con in Chicago) alone. Well, I have my roommates, but I’m attending stag. And…I kind of like it. Though the whole negotiating scenes is just fucking beyond me. I live for the times when V just takes my hand (or a handful of my hair) and pulls me down into the basement with him. No negotiation, no “do you want to?” Just – let’s go. Let’s do this. How does that translate to pick-up play? It doesn’t, obviously. I want to be transported by play, to be taken to a different place, to be taken…out of me. And – conversely – taken into an ever more intimate space with whomever it is taking me on that ride.

That’s a lot to ask for in pick-up play.

I had meet-ups with two men today for potential play. One there was no chemistry (on my side.) The other…well, he’s well known as a player in the scene (according to my roommate) and I kind of lost my woody for him when he came across as kinda cocky. Cockiness is not so attractive to me. Or so not attractive to me.

Then there was Anda.

We had chatted on Fet for a bit, after I posted a “bottom looking for Tops to scene with” ad in the KK discussion forum. We texted when we got to the event, but had missed each other in the first afternoon/evening hubbub. Then, Friday night, she found me, somehow, in the dungeon (which was dark as hell. I was impressed.) We talked for a few minutes and…at least on my side…sparks flew. I was immediately attracted to her, to her energy, her openness, to a sweet, sexy-but-naughty vibe she gave off. She invited me to watch her do a singletail scene with someone else, and I did, and…mmmph. That woman can throw a whip. I soooo want to play with her.

But it isn’t just how she played. It was…a connection between us, beforehand, before I ever saw her play. But of course that’s maybe all on my side. Who knows what’s on hers. It’s been awhile since I’ve been attracted to a woman in such a simple, uncomplicated way, though. There wasn’t any overt Top/bottom stuff – I mean the psychological, D/s stuff – it was just us wanting to enjoy playing together. And oh how I wanted to enjoy playing with her.

Saturday

Okay it’s the following morning – er, afternoon. I’m feeling a little bit of something…a kind of drop, perhaps? I don’t know. Just vague dissatisfaction, or disappointment, maybe.

Nothing’s gone right this morning. Well, the first class did. It was a stretching class, which felt good, and I was glad to have made myself get up and go to it. But when I got back to the room to get ready for the day, I realized I didn’t have any “daytime” outfits, which makes me sad, and resentful of Viper. I know, sounds ridiculous, but let me try to explain.

Before V, when I’d go to events, I always dressed during the day for the classes. High heels (of course, because W wouldn’t have it any other way), something sexy or sassy or cute, somehow an attention-getter. It was me as a bottom, as a submissive, as a sex-kitten and an object – it was how I immersed myself in who I would be if I could be in that space 24/7.

Plus, W appreciated it. He loved that I dressed up for him, he was proud to show me off, to be seen with me. He loved the appreciative looks I got, and loved that I did it all for him.

It’s not like that for V. I think he doesn’t mind me dressing up, but he probably wouldn’t care if I didn’t. I could wear my Hello Kitty jammies and slippers – in fact I went to breakfast in just that outfit with him once – and he would be like, “okay.” (shrug) He’d never tell me to wear something sexy…in fact he leans towards a whole different aesthetic. Knee socks and boy shorts, I guess. His wife only dresses fetishy at the play parties, so I guess that’s his “normal” and….well…I tried to mold myself into what he wanted. I tamped down my natural inclination to dress up, to see and be seen, because he didn’t appreciate that I did it. In fact, when I did, I felt slightly foolish. Overdone. It made me self-conscious, and I lost a part of myself. Which, in turn, when I was packing for this trip, made me not want to bring day-time outfits.

And I am sad, because I want to dress up like my roommates, like I used to do.

************************************************************
It’s later. All day has been a bit of Keystone Cops trying to hook up with Anda. I don’t know why we didn’t just say, “I’ll be here at such-and-such time…”

Oh wait, I did, telling her that I would be at Starbuckies for awhile, but then leaving after 15 minutes because I got a call from V. Apparently she showed up shortly thereafter. (sad face)

Viper and I have kept in pretty good touch this time, for which I am grateful. It seems that this “me being at an event without him” thing is working better than it did last time, better than I thought it would. He doesn’t seem to mind at all.

I asked myself, would I rather be here with him?

Huh.

I don’t know, to be honest. I mean sure, in some ways. I get so little real-time with him, to have days of just he and I, of being us – Owner and kitty -for two whole days?? Oh my god. I’d sell my…I don’t know…favorite shoes for that. But in other ways…I’m enjoying being here by myself. Being “single.” I’m not sure what that says about me. About us. I’m sure it will make him feel relieved though, when he reads it.

So. Let’s see…I am not much much of a class-taker, but the main reason I had attended KK was to attend a round-table discussion that my friend Ruby was facilitating on pain processing. If more classes were like this? I’d sign up for every one. It was…authentic, and deep, and filled with sharing and insights. The participants were engaged and the interactions were intense and sparked thoughtful discussion. This is a topic that she and I discuss a lot, but this discussion was even more enlightening. She is a gifted presenter, and I hope that she pursues it more.

After that…there was some napping, some vendoring…and then…

Wednesday

Okay, so…Saturday night. Obviously it is now much past Saturday. In fact it is Wednesday.

So much work since the weekend. Crazy-busy-can’t-stop-to-process work. And after work, it’s been hard to make myself sit in front if the computer again to write. But DAMN so much yum in the weekend, I don’t want to lose it to my fucking poor memory! So here goes.

Sometime later in the afternoon on Saturday, one of my roommates and I decided to go down to the “Tapas” event in the dungeon. For those not familiar with the concept, basically a lot of different stations are set up where people can “try out” different things. Bondage, electricity, canes, singletails…like that. I’ve done or tried most, if not all, but my other roommate, Ruby, was feeling low-energy, and seemed like she needed some alone-time in the room, and I hadn’t got to spend one-on-one time with my other roomie, D, so it sounded like fun to go down and wander around with her while Ruby recharged.

Okay, an aside. I know I have mentioned before not having much in-depth girlfriend time. It seems to be one of those things that gets put on the back burner when everyone has busy lives. But this weekend? OMG. In between all the sexiness and kink and play, there was GIRL TIME. Talking, laughing, hugging, crying…all the everything. Today (Wednesday) I had an acute sense of loss when I realized I wouldn’t be at my next “stag” event with R & D. But okay. There will be more of these times.

Anyway. We wander around the dungeon, checking out the different things and people watching, and (in my case) keeping an eye out for Anda, who I still haven’t run across.

And there is a fire cupping station, and I decide to try it out. I’ve done it before, a long time ago, it was one of the things that I got for Ad (a fire cupping set) but it’s been a looooong time. I am mortally afraid of fire. But cupping…I can’t see the fire. And that particular discomfort/sensation is one that directly pulls on my pussy.

Also – awesome marks.

So that was fun.

Also, getting to know my other, new-to-me roomie, was nice.

Anyway…

That done, we go up to the room. There was a message from Anda. Okay…I am going down to the bar to meet her. And I do! Finally!! She had to come up to me because I didn’t recognize her in a knit cap and ponytails…mmmpf cuteness! But we finally got to talk. And all the things I worried about re: negotiating? Nope. Not a thing. She was as knowledgeable, forthright and clear-headed about what she could do, what she liked to do, and what she wanted to know from me that I never felt awkward or… Or, well, like awkward me. And she invited me to dinner with her and her friends.

Which I did, after I went to a room party with Ruby. Which was fun…but I was so much already out the door, wanting to meet up with Anda, that I probably didn’t give it as much attention as it deserved.

Play

First I had a scene with a friend from way back, from W days. We’d played before, and I have always felt such a … affinity is one word? But I don’t know. Maybe not the right word. We were close, in that odd, event-only closeness that you do.

We did a caning scene. But it was much more than that, because there was W, right there with us, while we did it. It was unbearably sweet…and YEOWCH! I was pretty happy that he didn’t hold back with the canes. Damn that man can cane a girl.

I went from there to go up to the room for a minute…I can’t even recall why. But as I was heading there, I ran into Anda, who was getting her boots blacked. I kinda wanted to just park right there so I didn’t lose her, but I didn’t want to seem TOO stalkerish (LOL) so I went up, did what I had to do and came back down. I found her again, and we were ready to play.

There weren’t any stations available (we wanted a cross.) She put her bag in line to be the next-after-the-next, but then went off to see if there were any other possibilities. She came back – there was! But as I followed her across the dungeon, I realized where she was going was to the other side of the FIRE FLOGGING CROSS.

I swear to god, I’d have tried to make it work. And Viper would have laughed his ass off. But one look at my face (even though I was saying, “Okay, wait, wait, yeah, I could maybe make this work…” (no I could not have) … and she took us back across the dungeon to wait our turn. Smart woman. (Me, not so smart. “I could maybe…!”) Heh. Anyway.

We ended up on a piece of equipment that was not really “standard” for singletailing (haha…”standard”…) and then we talked a bit as she laid out her toys. I wasn’t sure what to expect. The last time I’d played with a woman…well, it had been V’s wife. Before. And it had been…brutal. And yet…fucking intimate and fierce and brilliant.

And hot as fuck.

“Do you want something sensual, with touching, or to just get beat?” she asked. I was afraid to ask for what I wanted. I wanted her to touch me. I wanted her to whip me, yes. But…I wanted her to touch me. I said so.

She asked – something no one has ever asked – “What do you look like when you are in pleasure?” It is such a good question for playing with someone new. How do I know this pain is good pain?  It took me a moment to think about it though. How did I broadcast that this pain is good?

I dance. I sway. I hum. I grin and I laugh. I wriggle. I push back. Into your whip, into your hands. Even as I am yelping.

And then…it started. Flogging to warm me up (and bringing me to the edge of tolerance – wow. So much fucking wow.) And then…the whips. Singletail. Florentine. The new whip. Brushing, nipping, biting, slashing. And her hands, her breath in my ear in between. “This is amazing!” (Me, or her? Or both of us.) Laughing. Panting. My inner thighs slick with sweat and my juices, because every time she approached me my body responded to her, to her hands on me. To her whips on me, extensions of her hands. The feel of the latex or vinyl top that she wore, slick against my skin, the feel of the exposed zipper running along the welts her whips had made on my back. Her fingernails on those welts, her hands grabbing, pulling, kneading my skin. I felt her lips on my neck, on my cheek, and I wanted to turn into her, to press against her, to pull her to me and kiss her. But that had not been discussed beforehand, so I merely dreamed it as I pressed against the metal bars in front of me and surrendered myself to sensation.

I wished I had not scened already that night, because I wanted it to go on and on. But I am not used to sceneing twice in a night anymore, and definitely not that long or that hard. I called it, too soon. And we sank to the floor, side-by-side.

I didn’t see her again, after our scene. But I have relived it, several times, since then.

Wednesday, again

So yeah. Here it is, Wednesday, and I am finally writing this all out. The image is from Saturday night…I wore my ears almost all weekend, and my necklace the entire time. It made me feel connected to V, even when I wasn’t.

This is a new space for me. In a few weeks, I’ll be attending another event alone. I wonder if, as V asked when we saw each other afterwards, this is going to be “a thing” now. Only because you make it have to be! I want to shout. But maybe that’s not true.

Maybe I want it to be.

 

Comments

    1. Jade Post author

      It’s been a super long time for me. I wasn’t really expecting it to go that way…but wow. It was incredibly hot.

      Reply
  1. Molly

    Sounds like you had an amazing time. Your last thought is one that I shall be interested to see if you come to a conclusion about. I sometimes feel you have a element of restlessness about your relationship with V.

    Mollyx

    Reply
    1. Jade Post author

      You are astute. It’s not exactly restlessness…it’s, I don’t know. The relationship is good between he and I, pretty fantastic in fact but…the dynamic, the poly dynamic, is one that I find challenging. I am trying to find ways to…alleviate some of the negative emotions that dynamic occasionally engenders. We’ll see what things look like in the future.

      Reply
  2. Elliott

    I always love your selfies and what a fun read, that would have been fun to attend. Let me know if you ever get out Seattle way, you and your pals would be fun to meet.

    Reply

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