I wanted to write about this topic for Prompt 5 of Brigit Delaney’s Erotic Journal Challenge, “Hurt,” but I’m me so of course I waited too long and the link-up is closed. I’ll link you to it anyway (click the icon below) so you can read what other people wrote. There’s some powerful, heart-wrenching, and incredibly brave writing out there.
People really suck sometimes.
But that’s not the only way to be hurt sexually. I’m talking about “good” hurt, obviously. And if you’ve read here for any length of time, you know that pain, for me and a lot of people, can be pleasurable, or can lead to pleasure.
After play tonight that started with the above picture, V and I talked about our beginnings in BDSM. And I commented on having to ask my then-husband to hurt me. At the time, he was okay dabbling in rope, spanking me a little, using clothes pins and playing with orgasm denial. When I bought him his first flogger though, and asked him to hit me, he balked.
Sure we’d been to kink parties, and he’d seen others play. That didn’t mean he wanted to. It was a huge mental leap for him to be able to go against everything in his upbringing and hurt me. It wasn’t until he saw that it gave me pleasure that he was able to take some pleasure himself in it. And he never did get over the feeling that what we were doing was inherently wrong. That there was something wrong with him – and me – for enjoying it. In fact he blamed me for bringing him into BDSM at all, when we split up.
But for me, that was just the beginning of m forays into the pleasure to be found in pain.