Monthly Archives: April 2019

#AtoZChallenge – X is for XXX

“I’m going to go home, unpack, crawl into bed and administer a little self-care,” I say. “Oh? And what exactly does that ‘self-care’ entail?” I detect, even over the car’s speaker, a change in his tone. A very subtle edge. I am a master at sussing the nuances of his tone. It is an enthusiasm of mine to recognize the shift in his mood or attention or intention just by the subtleties of his tone of voice. I hesitate a moment. I’ve been flirting with the limits of this past(?) rule. I’ve pleasured myself many times without permission these past weeks. Yes, it has been satisfying, in terms of pure physical needs. And it has been interesting to find myself dipping into my old fantasies to use as wank material, deliberately avoiding the ones he has placed in my head these past years. But it also lacks…that special something thatRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – W is for a Wonderful Weekend of We

I am home after the long weekend. Had a great time, in spite of my initial “traveling alone” anxieties, which, as I drove home today, seemed so silly and out-of-proportion. Who was that that had felt all that? But, hindsight is always like that; I recognize, in the now, looking back, that that is anxiety’s job, to blow up every fear and insecurity into looming beasts. I’m getting better about recognizing that in the moment, though, too, and taming the anxiety beast with appropriate self-care, so there’s that. It’s all a process. In spite of those initial rough moments, the weekend blossomed in lovely, unexpected ways. There was the right amount of kink and play, the right amount of togetherness between V and I, Ad and I and the three of us. The three of us had a very satisfying scene on Friday night, and V and I spent aRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – V is for Viper

He’s talking in my ear, saying nothing really, just words to fill up the space between us. Between my hotel room and where he is. I interrupt. “Where are you? Right now. What are you doing?” A pause. “On the couch. Looking at the trees…” “Are you alone in the house?” “Yes. For the moment. E is shopping for the weekend.” “Then what are you doing on the couch?” Another, longer, pause. “Where should I be?” “Well,” I say, slow, thoughtful. “I think you should be upstairs. In the room we share. In the bed we sleep in when I am there. Where you can pull your cock out and stroke yourself.” “You do, huh?” He’s quiet a moment. “Feeling kind of bossy, are you? I think maybe we need to create a protocol for when you decide you want to be a bossy kitty.” Then, a moment later, “That’sRead more …

A Late #AtoZChallenge Post – S, T, U…

Well, here it is … um … Thursday? and I have apparently fucked-off on a lotta letters. Reasons, reasons, I had reasons. Though I’m having a hard time thinking of them right now. So I am just going to throw myself back in the game and give ya’ll (and me) a round-up of the letters I’ve missed. S and T is for Sex and Toys As in – “sex toys.” Cuz I’m sure you didn’t catch that, right?  Anywhooo… A long (long) time ago (and no I am not gonna ‘fess up to how long) I thought and felt many wrong things about sex toys. I was not as “woke” to them, or to my – or others’ – sexuality then, and didn’t understand them as anything other than a “crutch” for someone that couldn’t have sex the “normal” way; or whose lover couldn’t or wouldn’t give them pleasure. ARead more …

#AtoZChallenge – R is for…Realization, Risk & Rules

Wow, when I started brainstorming an “R” word, I had no idea that there were at least THREE memes with wonderful R words all ready for me to take on. Hold on to your hats, folks, this might be a long one. (Being cooped up for days in the aftermath of surgery, with lots of pain medication and nothing else to do might account for my long-winded-ness too. Who knows.) First up… Realization From The Erotic Journal Challenge, “Realization – Write about a time when you realized something about your sexuality.” I’ve tried looking back to find the one pivotal moment when I realized that I might be…different…than other people that I knew in regards to sex (I was raised in a very small town where, if there was any hint of any kind of sexual “deviancy,” it was well-hidden.) I think the best I can do is maybe just listRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – Q is for Questions

So this post started on…oh…Thursday? But here it is Saturday and since it IS Saturday, and since I am definitely giving the shout-out to some pretty amazing bloggers that happen to host some kick-ass memes, I’ll include this as a “Share Our Shit Saturday” post. We will not be silenced. Q is for Questions Questions, I have so many questions! I really do. About everything. Well, maybe not about “everything.” Mostly about people. What makes them (me) work, why we do the things we do, who we are and how we got here. Our motivations, our hopes and dreams and sorrows and joys. Things like that. This blog is mostly that kind of questioning. Introspection. Musing on the human condition thru my own experiences. Though sometimes I recognize it for the self-centered endeavor that it is. Me, my life, my thoughts… Except that I’ve seen the domino effect that meRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – P is for Paper Tape

I’ll make this post short and sweet. I’d very much have preferred to use a word like pussy, or maybe penetrate or even penis or passion to write about, but all I got right now is: paper tape. Why, you might ask, would I be grateful for something so mundane? So…functional, so pedestrian? Let me tell you. Two years ago I had bunionectomies on both feet. The surgeries were very successful. I recovered quickly and to the point of being able to do all of the things I had had to stop doing because of pain before the surgeries. But about six months ago I noticed a bony protrusion where my big toe had been broken and reset during the surgery. When I started conditioning for our Grand Canyon trip, I noticed that the protrusion was painful, making hiking more than a couple miles a misery. I was worried something hadRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – O is for Orgasms

Of course it is! In the past I have had a rather robust sex life that included lots and lots of orgasms, either achieved with one of my partners, or alone, at Viper’s behest or for his pleasure. Owning me meant owning my sexual pleasure; owning my orgasms. He could grant them, demand them, or take them away. So it’s been a little bit of a sea change for me lately, not having to ask for an orgasm; not risking being told no; not playing with myself or having orgasms for his pleasure. Enough of a change that for the first 2-3 weeks, I didn’t think about sex or orgasms even once. It was like my body and imagination had closed up shop. And then, along with the #AtoZChallenge, I saw that April was also the month of the #30DayOrgasmFun meme, hosted by Tabitha Rayne. I had participated in itRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – N is for No

“No” might seem to be an odd thing to be grateful for. Especially for a submissive woman who really likes to please. But in the past year I have learned the power of no – even when it hurts or isn’t want I want to hear or say. I’m not talking only about my own “no’s.” My No’s I have finally realized/accepted a truth about myself. I used to think I was shy, although I admit, even then, it didn’t feel like it quite fit. I learned, particularly in the past year, that what I am is an introvert. That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy socializing. When I finally do get myself “out there,” interacting with people in a social setting, I enjoy it very much! But my enjoyment has a very definite window of opportunity, and when that window closes, I’m done. It could be three nights inRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – K, L & M is for…

I’m sort of glad that I fell down on my alphabet-blogging responsibilities Friday (K) and Saturday (L). I did have K and L words already picked out, but life happened (Friday, Viper; Saturday, back pain), so writing didn’t. Then today, I was pondering M, knowing that I wanted to write something maybe a little salacious for Masturbation Monday, which I haven’t written for in awhile. Hmm, I mused, what could I possibly use with the letter M for a sexy Masturbation Monday post? Um, hello Jade? Masturbation Monday perhaps?? Sometimes it takes me awhile… lol So anyway, there I was, thinking, great! I have my M post! Now, should I go back and write individual K & L posts? Or skip them all together? Or, wait, I could combine them all… K, L & M! And while I turned that over in my head (my original words for K &Read more …