But first, F is for FUCK.
Not in the good way…!
Or, okay, maybe in a kind of good way. I missed F on…was it Saturday? But it was for a good reason. I spent all day with Adam and all night with Viper, and I just never had a minute free time to write. Not a bad problem to have, but it does point out a flaw in my system: I have to have these things written up before the days that I see them. So here, in order to make up for missing the F on the day I was supposed to post it, I’ll post a special F:
FUCKING SEXY, for Lingerie is for Everyone.
I took this the other night before I went out with Viper. I knew my sexy underthings probably wouldn’t be something he’d notice, but I felt terrific with this lace set under my dress, while we played arcade games and had dinner (old time arcade games are suddenly all the rage again. The last time I was in an arcade I was…18 or 19? A LONG-ASS time ago. Just goes to show, nothing ever goes away forever.) And I can almost guarantee that I was the only female there in black lace…
But now, on to H…
H is for Healthy
I’ve struggled with health issues recently, but have been fortunate to come out of it all much better than I had feared. Mainly with my back (ruptured disc/surgery), but also both feet (bunionectomies that were extremely successful), and my shoulder (rotator cuff surgery that was less invasive than they thought it would be.) For someone who is active, but not a fitness fanatic, my body seems to be breaking up a lot earlier than I would have hoped. But I have been persevering, changing up what I do to keep active and letting go of the things I just can’t do anymore without damaging myself further. But no matter the challenges, I am still here, still kicking, still hiking and walking and spending time with my partners in the out-of-doors, and planning a backpacking trip to the Grand Canyon in September. I have a whole lot to be grateful for, healthwise. I am also learning to think of my body differently. I have a lot of body dysmorphia, and as I have grown older, I have struggled to have a healthier POV about my body, in particular in not seeing myself as just a number (weight) but appreciating my body and being grateful for all the wonderful things it does do: take my dog for long walks, hike in the woods, make love with a partner, meet my daughter for a walk to dinner, run and play and laugh and love. I am so much more than a number on a scale.
H is for Happy
I lay next to Viper the other night, feeling anxious and uneasy about the unsettled state of our D/s relationship. Could it come back; would it feel real; was it real? Did I want that again, and if not, what would our relationship look like? All of these thoughts swirled around in my head, keeping me from being in the moment.
But the moment was wonderful! We were at my house, snuggled in bed, he had been playing with me off and on (nothing too heavy.) He loves me. I love him. We had the night together. And yet, there I was, mulling and brooding over what might be. Not enjoying what was.
Honestly, I don’t know what will be. I don’t know where we will go with that facet of our relationship. How can I? I can’t know the future. But as I lay there, ready to ruin our pleasure in the here and now with worries about what the future might hold, I brought myself to a full stop.
Just let yourself be happy. Enjoy this moment for what it is. Let tomorrow take care of itself.
And I did. I let myself be happy.