I am home after the long weekend. Had a great time, in spite of my initial “traveling alone” anxieties, which, as I drove home today, seemed so silly and out-of-proportion. Who was that that had felt all that? But, hindsight is always like that; I recognize, in the now, looking back, that that is anxiety’s job, to blow up every fear and insecurity into looming beasts. I’m getting better about recognizing that in the moment, though, too, and taming the anxiety beast with appropriate self-care, so there’s that. It’s all a process.
In spite of those initial rough moments, the weekend blossomed in lovely, unexpected ways. There was the right amount of kink and play, the right amount of togetherness between V and I, Ad and I and the three of us. The three of us had a very satisfying scene on Friday night, and V and I spent a good chunk of together-time on Saturday day, lounging, having sex, and talking. We had some really healthy discussion about our D/s relationship. Ad and I spent Saturday night together, and although no deep discussion occurred, some serious cuddling did, which is just as good, if in a different way. So that was one “we” that I am grateful for.
Then there was the “we” of the larger group, our polycule. Saturday night we – Ad, me, V, E and her top S – all went to see Cirque De Soliel. It was an unfortunate coincidence that we bought tickets for it, only discovering afterward that it was the same weekend as the event – AFTER we had purchased tickets for the event. So we ended up leaving the event to drive all the way to StL to see Cirque on Saturday night, then driving back to the event hotel to sleep. But it afforded us – me, V, Ad and E (S hadn’t attended the event, but met us at the Cirque venue) – time together in the car back and forth, which was really nice, and felt like it solidified the better place that she and I have been moving towards in our relationship. And having the five of us there in the almost-front row for the show felt natural and easy. And the show was spectacular.
And then there is the even larger “we” of our little kink community here, and the friends that I have made – and continue to make. There are people that I only see at these kinds of events, but that, invariably, make me feel welcome and cared about. There are people that have known me in various iterations throughout the years but that only recently I have started to get to know better. There’s the crew of us, led by E, that help out a local corset vendor-turned friend to set-up and take-down at the event, and that has begun to feel like a sort of family of friends. We had a get-together after the event last night with her, and it was a wonderful way to everything out, with promises to do it again in future.
There are a lot of “we’s” in the wonderful Venn diagram of my life, and “W” day in the #AtoZChallenge (which I extended all weekend long – a “Wonderful Weekend of We’s”) seems an appropriate time/place to consciously extend my gratitude to the universe for bringing them all into my life and to fruition.