Day ???

I’ve really fallen down on posting daily. I’ve been writing nearly every day, but haven’t had the energy to finish anything up to publish. I’ve been caught up in a severe case of malaise.

I had to look up the exact meaning of the word. I’ve read it, heard it and even used it, but when I was searching myself for what exactly this emotion is that I am feeling, and that word came to mind, I thought I should look it up.

malaise [ ma-leyz, -muh-; French ma-lez ]
noun

  1. a condition of general bodily weakness or discomfort, often marking the onset of a disease.
  2. a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort.

Definitely number two, though the way I’ve been feeling in my skin could count for number one as well. Not disease, but dis-ease: I’m uncomfortable in my body right now. And in my brain, but sadness and depression didn’t quite capture what exactly it is that I am feeling. Maybe a “blue mood”? I don’t know. All I do know is that I just want to crawl into my bed, read and go to sleep, but when I do that, I wake up despising myself because I haven’t done the things I need to. But then when I think about doing them…it all just seems too much. Even though I know for a fact that getting some exercise, getting outside, working in my garden, seeing friends, cleaning house, cleaning my car, organizing my closets, grocery shopping, planning and preparing meals, working on a crochet project, paying my bills and even writing here will help me feel better. Instead I do completely unproductive things, like search real estate ads and dream of moving, plan vacation time, look at horses for sale and dogs for adoption, drink too much, eat too much, binge-watch Amazon Prime, curl up in bed and sleep.

And hate myself while I’m doing it.

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Okay, I have alleviated some of the mood. I figured out and paid most of my medical bills, worked out a bit at the gym, listened to a new book on tape and bought some workout clothes that actually fit me, so I can do something about that “feeling uncomfortable in my own skin” thing. And now I am going to go for a walk.  Maybe I’ll get those other posts ready to post!

Comments

  1. Marie Rebelle

    I know the feeling. I am on an up and down at the moment, most days just wanting to stay in bed and not do anything… I do get up, and I do things, but still long for bed and have to force myself to be ‘in the mood’ for whatever… I hope your malaise passes, and mine…

    Rebel xox

    Reply
    1. Jade Post author

      I’m feeling better now, but boy that little bit of”ick” was rough. Hope you’re feeling better soon too!

      Reply
  2. Jupiter Grant

    I like to think of it of the mind/ body’s way of just putting a foot on the break and forcing a reboot 👍
    I hope you’re back to your full operating power soon.

    Reply
    1. Jade Post author

      I agree. What makes it hard to listen to is that I feel *guilty* for needing to put the brakes on! Especially when it feels like there’s no reason to be feeling low. Thank you for the supportive thoughts!

      Reply
      1. Brigit Delaney

        I get that way too. The guilt nibbles at me any time I want to take a few days (or even minutes) to do jack shit. So my body steps in and forces it through illness, usually.

        Reply

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