Being Poly

Thoughts on non-monogamy and stories from my own polyamorous life.

So much to say…

I’ve heard  from a couple of friends, wondering where I am, if I’m well. I am. Well. And thinking about writing all the time. But then…I don’t. I get busy with school and work and life and the urge to record the doings of my life just isn’t there. I don’t know what to say anymore. I don’t know what to talk about. My life is good, my relationships are stable, I’m “rolling the ball forward,” as V says. But I don’t have anything very interesting to write about. I loved writing about sex. And it’s not like we don’t have good sex. Some pretty spectacular sex. But I don’t often find myself driven to talk about it here. I loved writing about kink. It’s not like we don’t have our brand of kink. Sometimes it’s kinky as fuck. But, again, I don’t often find myself compelled to share thoseRead more …

A Birthday Weekend in the Smokies

(Ed. note: This was started the weekend of my birthday weekend, when we went to Gatlinburg. As usual, life has intervened in me getting this posted in a timely fashion, but, well, better late than never?) It’s 1 a.m. here, and I’m sitting at my little round table-for-two in front of the patio window, the door open so I can hear the breeze soughing through the trees, sipping on a rumchata and vodka. I just walked in about a half hour ago from a perfectly lovely weekend in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, with Adam and a group of friends at a cabin (they included V and his wife, E.) It’s so peaceful here. I thought all the way home that I’d be sad and lonely, when we finally got home and Adam went over to the Big Condo and V was home with his wife. But instead as soon as I walkedRead more …

Catching Up

Author’s note: I’ve started and stopped this post so many times, written and pondered and wanted to finish it and not done so time and again. I finally gave it up as too long ago to matter, but now here I am again, though the “why” I’m back revisiting family relationships and dynamics is different: I’m staying at my mom’s this week to keep her company while my stepdad goes back East to sit vigil on his youngest sister, who has been in a coma since a heart attack last week, and who was diagnosed with inoperable, stage 4 lung cancer the month that this trip happened. I had never met her before this and now…I have bonds to this family that weren’t mine until this trip. I’m struggling to disentangle my feelings about it all. So this post begins with my musings from yesterday about all this, and thenRead more …

Little Black Dress

Aug 6, 2016 | Posted by in Being Poly | 9

This is when I’m supposed to “lean into it,” right? Lean to the loneliness, accept being partner-less and alone here, even though, theoretically, I have two partners. No, not theoretically – I do.  Two partners that love and appreciate me. One I could even be sleeping with, if I chose – but he didn’t ask, did he?; the other has his own life and is ensconced in it, in bed with his partner by now. That is no doubt why he didn’t return my text telling him I was sad, and missing him. He’s tired, she’s tired, they have their night time routine. I’m just words on a phone. An interruption, and with that kind of message, not a welcome one. No wonder he didn’t reply. Why don’t I ask Adam if I could go sleep with him? Courtesy, mostly. He’d say of course, but he has to get up atRead more …

Memory Lane

I’ve had the weekend to mostly to myself, while Adam’s been working and Viper has his family in town. It hasn’t been bad; I’ve found I enjoy my free time, as well the time I have alone here at the Treehouse. I have surprised myself by enjoying my quiet time, and by allowing myself to simply experience the solitude, to experience the occasional pang of loneliness and nostalgia without judgement, to be here, to be present. It’s a study in mindfulness I would not have thought possible a year ago, or even before W died, when being alone was something to be avoided at all costs. Now…sometimes…many times…I crave it. I like sleeping alone in my big, soft, bed. I like waking up and doing my morning things in the still dawn, with no one else’s needs or desires to think about. I like sitting on my deck with my dogRead more …

Emotional Flotsam

Jul 26, 2016 | Posted by in Being Poly, Life Before | 1

We’ve been going through a difficult time. I’m calling it growing pains – at nearly a year, many relationships go through a bout of it – but it could quickly devolve into a growing break if the issues are not addressed and resolved. Feeling restricted from writing here doesn’t make it any easier, as this was always my way of processing and finding resolution – and peace – with what are often roiling, uncomfortable, loud, disagreeable emotions. I don’t like being in the midst of that storm any more than the people around me enjoy being buffeted by it, and being able to write through the part where I want to stand up and scream my confusion, fury and distress has been my safety valve. I wondered recently why I never seemed to go through what I have put my loved ones – V in particular, but everyone is affectedRead more …

In the Audience, a Scavenger Hunt Opportunity

May 25, 2016 | Posted by in Being Poly, Kinky Stuff, Scavenger Hunt, Wicked Wednesday | 6

As many of you know, I took over the Scavenger Hunt meme from Curvaceous Dee when she shut down her sex blog a few months ago. (If you aren’t familiar with it, check out the linked information page – and join in the fun!) I’ve been slow to get it running again, but I’m getting back into the swing of things – and decided it’s time to swing my own bat as well and post one myself! :-) Viper and I had an unexpected date night the other night. We had been scheduled to go to our local kink group’s monthly party with his wife E, who was meeting her Dom there, but what with my back surgery and the struggles I’ve had to regain my physical strength (and a sense of myself as a still-kinky, still-sexy woman), I’d begged off. I probably shouldn’t have – at some point I needRead more …

Loneliness & Other Failures

Feb 22, 2016 | Posted by in 2016 February Photofest, Being Poly | 5

Loneliness is a hard nut to crack. It’s not as easy as “spend time with people” – I’ve spent a good part of my life lonely in the middle of a crowd. It’s not as easy as “spend time with your significant other” – I spent a good portion of my second marriage feeling lonely. Not even the old standby “you have to love yourself!” erases it – I don’t believe this is about loving myself or not. So what is it about? Why do I feel lonely sitting in a bar at a munch while everyone drinks and laughs and talks; or at a play party watching everyone around me engaging with each other joy and abandon? Why do I feel lonely at times as I lay next to a lover after play, physically satiated but filled with a longing I can’t place? Why did I feel lonely last nightRead more …

February 12 & 13 – Fork & a Three-Way

Feb 15, 2016 | Posted by in 2016 February Photofest, Being Poly, Kinky Stuff | 0

Yep, I’ve done it again, I missed posting my daily February Photofest pics. Once again, however, I took pictures! I just didn’t post them. I’m still figuring out my blogging/writing routine. I’m figuring out my life routine… Anyway, in a few pictures, in a few words, here are the last few Photofest pics… February 12 – Fork   There were several images I wanted to create for this prompt. I had visions of poking soft female flesh under the table…of snapping a clandestine photo while the waiter and patrons had their heads turned during my pre-Valentine’s Day date with V… It didn’t happen because of lack of opportunity. I thought of looping the tines through my rings at some point during our date and snapping a pic…but we didn’t end up in a place where that was possible. But early on – during our dinner – we snapped this picture.Read more …

A New Day

Jan 24, 2016 | Posted by in Being Poly, Sinful Sunday | 11

Sinful Sunday is all about the image…but, for me, it’s also about a moment in time, captured for eternity (or as long as the internet lasts…) and it tells a story…perhaps gives a snapshot of only a moment, or of a whole new life… For as long as Molly’s Daily Kiss has run the Sinful Sunday meme, I’ve been posting to it…not every week, but more often than not. You can see many of those images over on Kink & Poly – Sinful Sunday. I’ll eventually create a list here of the specific posts with links to them, but for now, if you’re interested, you can explore the category over there. Today’s Sinful Sunday is – as is so much in this new space – a new beginning. My first Sinful Sunday since…everything changed. And how things have changed! Yep that’s me, curled up on V’s couch, in Hello KittyRead more …