Being Poly

Thoughts on non-monogamy and stories from my own polyamorous life.

Weekend Update

Oct 1, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 2

it’s hard to update on my phone, but I’m too lazy to get out the laptop or even my tablet. I’m laying here in bed drinking a vodka and Rum Chata (I either want to kiss or kill the coworker who introduced me to the stuff), after a full day of cleaning, puzzling, cooking and spending bits of time with Viper, who stayed over last night, and Adam, who I met for breakfast. It was a good day, though I had a brief sad period about 3/4 of the way through, feeling lonely. The roommate is out of town, V is with his family and Ad, well. He’s at his place. But I’ve recovered from that, and am feeling okay. This was a busy weekend. Friday I reached out to an acquaintance I have known in the scene for years, but who I have never actually spent time with outsideRead more …

Trainwrecks and Ravines

Sep 25, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I feel like, somewhere between last Friday and today, my life went completely off the rails, and I am left standing here, staring down at the wreckage of the train, smoking and twisted at the bottom of the ravine. It’s not that dramatic, of course. Well, it felt that way…and sometimes, still does, when I am stumbling and grasping for a handhold, for a way through this to the other side, and all I come up with is…a blank wall. Absolutely no idea how to make things better, how to turn things around. How to stop that train from derailing. It’s those moments when I just want this to be a normal Tuesday, when I might or might not text Adam to come over, or to meet me out. When my choices are between taking a nice long walk or being lazy and reading in bed, or maybe watching NetflixRead more …

Fractures

Sep 24, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Relationship Stuff | 1

My heart is heavy this morning. I haven’t heard from Ad since he walked out Friday night saying, “I guess I’ve got some things to work out.” I had just finished telling him that I needed more from a relationship – from our relationship. I need someone that is enthusiastic about the world. Who has curiosity and passion, who has initiative and motivation to do the things that need doing in order to make his world better. I need someone who is passionate about love and loving and me. Who has sexual energy as well as intellectual energy. Somebody with ideas and opinions and who brings as much to the table as I do. Who is an active participant in our relationship, not just a passenger. I am not surprised I haven’t heard from him, and I am not expecting him to reach out to me, to try to solveRead more …

Someday…

“Someday” is a really hard concept for me. I have always been an “in the moment” person. Delayed gratification has never been my strong suit. One of my earliest memories is one I am ashamed of, and yet so epitomizes me in regards to delayed gratification. My “real” dad, my biological father, got to see me only every other Saturday, and even that my mom and stepdad did their best to ruin or minimize if they could. We’d go on some adventure, and then, on the way back to my mom’s, we’d split a Hershey bar. It was our special treat (and it is my favorite chocolate to this day.) On this Saturday, he was running late in getting me back to my mom. I didn’t know then what I  do now: any minor transgression my mom would report to the court, to use against my father to deny himRead more …

What’s love got to do with it

Aug 29, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Wicked Wednesday | 7

I’m feeling contemplative today. The other night, after unpacking from the weekend and doing my Sinful Sunday post, I laid in bed and thought about my life: where it was, what I had wanted; where it is, what I want now. I wrote this to Vipelr: “I’m trying to figure out the life I want and it’s not always the life I have and I wonder if I just settle for the life I have because I know I can’t have the life I want.” I’m trying to figure out if I really feel that way – that I am settling for what I can have, because I can’t have what I really want – or if that is just something I a) have told myself for so long that it’s become “true” in my head, even if it really isn’t; and b) the thing I think when I amRead more …

He’s Home!

Aug 9, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 0

I see I’ve been remiss in my commitment to posting more often. I even had a pretty great image for last Sinful Sunday’s “With a Camera” theme. I’m so bummed I didn’t gather up the energy to post it. Or, you know, schedule it ahead of time. It’s not like I didn’t know for weeks beforehand that I’d be out of town on a float and cabin-camping trip with a bunch of lovely friends this past weekend. Boo on my (non) preparedness skills! That out-of-town thing was pretty spectacularly fun, by the way. It being sooo much fun is in part why I didn’t post the picture Sunday. I was HUNGOVER Sunday like a big dog. Not that I am proud of being hung, but for once I didn’t have any regrets for having got that way. I accepted my pounding head as perfectly reasonable payment for having an amazingRead more …

Two Weeks-at-a-Glance

Jul 28, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Kinky Stuff, Relationship Stuff | 2

I started using a daily journaling app on my phone so I can quickly jot down what I do each day. Not journaling like here, but more bullet points to jog my memory. Or that I can refer back to when I’m struggling to remember what the heck I did last Thursday, or what happened on a certain play date (“Was that the time you made me push the ball around on the floor, or the time I had to roll the dice to see what implement you were going to use next?”) The cool thing is that it connects with my calendar, the gps on my phone, with Facebook and my photos app automatically. It has an activity feed that shows where I was when, and pulls in any FB posts or pictures I took, and then I review it, decide if I want to keep it, or atRead more …

Strategy 101

Jul 4, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 0

I’m not good at strategy games. Chess is so far beyond my ken as to be a game played in a foreign language. I just can’t think that far in the future, can’t begin to anticipate my own moves, much less anyone else’s. And I have absolutely no desire to manipulate people or situations. In case it isn’t abundantly clear, I’m talking about how I manage myself in relationships as well. I’m not good at games where each side is premeditating and calculating every move. When I try to anticipate, to do something that will effect a specific result, I invariably fall short. Yes, I can see a little ahead. I’m not blind to consequences and how what I do now affects what happens later. But I’m not good at strategizing. At planning my moves to achieve a certain outcome. And I don’t necessarily want to be. I mean, IRead more …

June 17 – The Heat is a Vampire

Jun 17, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Every Damn Day in June, Everyday Jade | 0

The end of another weekend. I like my job, so it’s not dread that I feel about going in tomorrow (I’ve been in that job before) but I am…weary. I wish I could just stay home. Why don’t I have a life where I don’t have to work 8-5?? (Don’t answer; stupid question.) It’s been a good weekend. Full of good poly time, good time with V, good time with Ad. Got a few house things done, some walking done, some talking and cooking and brunching and enjoying life done. But it’s been so damned hot it feels like any kind of movement at all saps my energy and my will to move or engage. Every movement might be my last for awhile as I recup from the heat. Ad has been over since Saturday (two days in a row!) and it’s been mostly nice. Sometimes it’s been frustrating. LikeRead more …

Black

I waited until my packing was *somewhat* complete before I turned on my laptop to write, but then the damn thing told me it has a “major” update. I told it to update overnight last night, but I guess it only did part of it, because it’s been installing updates now for 30 minutes and it’s only at 4%. It’s also telling me, “this WILL take awhile,” (emphasis mine), but that’s telling, as it usually says this “may” take awhile, and then takes forever. It may not be done until I get back from San Diego next week. But perhaps making me wait to write is for the best. My mood was black and who knows what vitriol I would have spewed forth on these pages if I’d sat down to write then. For now my ire is contained, and besides, it’s hard as fuck to write eloquently or forRead more …