Everyday Jade

All the miscellaney…

Smoke and Mirrors

Oct 26, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Uncategorized, Wicked Wednesday | 4

It shouldn’t have happened, but after a perfectly lovely start to an evening out with Viper, we ended up in a huge fight. I could give reasons for my temper; explain how I was triggered, and, hurt, came out snarling and fighting, because that’s what I do when I’m hurt. But I won’t make excuses.  There may be reasons, but nothing excuses my behabior. Sometimes I feel like my life is a game of smoke and mirrors. One I am playing on myself as much as on my “audience.” I present myself to the world as one thing: a good person, loving, conscientious, giving; but I fear in my heart of hearts that the reality is far different. That deep down I’m this angry, damaged person. But I keep trying to fool the world, trying to fool myself. Even though I know my reactions didn’t happen in a vacuum, evenRead more …

A Peaceful Sunday

Oct 8, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Sinful Sunday | 13
jade naked

Last Saturday I didn’t stay over at Viper’s because of the Jewish holidays. Adam was supposed to be over both Friday and Saturday, but he had bailed on me due to work being a bitch and wearing him out. I could have invited RG over, but…it was unusual for me to have two whole nights alone on the weekend, and I was kind of reveling in it. So I didn’t invite him over either. I didn’t do much…a bit of homework, a lot of reading, some housework…oh, and a 42-mile bike ride with my daughter. But more about that later. Anyway, this was Sunday morning. I was laying in bed, relaxing, enjoying my freedom and my quiet house. Enjoying being alone. In that moment I didn’t want or need anyone’s company, anyone’s attention. I was perfectly comfortable to be my own best company. I had to take a snap justRead more …

Sleeping Single in a Double Bed

Oct 2, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Life Before | 0

I love my bed. My bedroom is not quite the sanctuary that the one in the Treehouse was, though it’s getting there. But my bed! Newly purchased for this new space (the iron canopy wouldn’t fit), with a new comforter and (as usual) more pillows than any human has a right to, I LOVE snuggling down into it, burrowing myself into the pillows and blankets or starfishing and sleeping crooked. It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. Not just cuz I’m sleepy, but because I don’t want to leave the comfort and sweetness of my bed. Mostly, I sleep there alone. In all the seven years that I was with W, I maybe slept alone three times. I was always with one or the other or both. And I loved it. I hated sleeping alone. But now…now I sleep alone more often than not, and most often,Read more …

Labels

Sep 21, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 1

I learned a brand new-to-me term for a poly partner: anchor partner. I’m familiar with primary partner, of course, and nesting partner, but “anchor” is a new one to me. I believe it encompasses exactly what role Adam is in my life, though. I’ve never had an issue with labels. Language and the words we use are how we communicate ideas to one another. Unlike some people, I don’t feel that a label is necessarily limiting, nor does it have to be all-encompassing. To me, a label is a starting point. A place where we can pause and reflect, and then expound upon it – or not – as needed. When I was with W and Adam, W insisted on a hierarchical approach to labeling our relationships. Adam was “primary,” W was “secondary.” He insisted on it being that way. But it was not very long before I knew thatRead more …

Three Men in One Day

Aug 4, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 0
hearts on a clothesline

I had to go in for a minor medical procedure yesterday. They put me out, so I needed a ride to the hospital and back home, and then someone to stay with me till they were assured of no ill effects from the anesthesia. Boyfriend 1: Comes over bright and early to pick me up. He changed his work schedule around so he could drive me. He sits with me while they prep me and poke me and ask me questions; he’s there when I wake up, listens to doctor’s instructions and takes me home to tuck me in for a nap afterward. Boyfriend 2: Calls me before I leave, having re-worked his morning routine, getting himself up an hour early so he would have time to talk on the phone with me before I went to the hospital, then showed up – surprise! – while I was in recovery.Read more …

I think I can.

Jul 20, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 2

I think I can do this. No, I really do. I think I can be happy. I think I can be content. I think I can accept what is, without pining for what is not. There’s been many times in the past – what’s it been, almost 2 years? – that I haven’t been sure of that. That I’ve doubted and wondered “why” and wished I was anywhere, in any other relationship(s), than the one(s) I am in. That it was all too hard, too complicated, too not-what-I-wanted out of my relationship(s). Out of my life. Sometimes I still feel that way. I love Viper and would be devastated not to have him in my life and I adore and crave the D/s dynamic we have created; I still love and appreciate Adam as much as I ever did (if not more so), even after almost 18 years; and IRead more …

Dirty Innocence

I laughed a bit to myself when I decided to post this for Sinful Sunday. I mean, it’s just not all that sinful, right? And yet…I find the image oddly sexy and yet comforting at the same time. This is me, now – this is my dirty-girl-ness, so unlike it was back then, when I masturbated on a dirty, grimy floor while W pissed on me.  And yet, sitting on the deck overlooking my little city yard, cooling off after spending the morning on my hands and knees gardening, I am happy. Yes, happy and content with my life. There’s a little more to this story, I suppose. I sent this to my new guy, the Romantic, maybe I shall call him, who is at least nominally vanilla. I guess at some point I need to fill ya’ll in on what’s been going on on that front. But for now, sufficeRead more …

More from New Orleans

Jun 16, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Scavenger Hunt | 4

Hello again from Nawlins! Okay, okay, we’re actually home, but I have to post these pics from the rest of my New Orleans trip. We had such fun! It made the 12 hour days working at the end worth it. We rented a car for the first half of the trip, before my work conference started, after all, which I was very glad for, because it meant that we didn’t have to waste time trying to navigate the bus/trolley system. It also meant we could range further afield than we might have otherwise. The day after my Scavenger Hunt, we went back to City Park, 1,300 acres of Spanish moss-draped oaks and walking trails. I went for a run and Ad drank coffee and waited for my sweaty butt to get back to him at a little cafe there. Unfortunately they only serve beignets for breakfast, which I am not fond ofRead more …

Hello from the Big Easy

Jun 9, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Scavenger Hunt | 1

Guess where we are! A work conference has brought me to New Orleans. The Bear and I are AirBnB-ing it for a couple days before we must decamp to the conference hotel and I have to put in a couple two or three 12-hour days, endure cocktail parties and an awards banquet, and oh yeah, pretend to be vanilla. My job is the one space in my life where I am not completely out, though I am making inroads on the poly front. I’m excited to be exploring a new city with Ad. We’ve both been here before – me most recently for a weekend-long swinger party with W – but that was a lifetime ago. This trip is so far removed from that that it might have happened to a different person. So Ad and I are exploring it afresh, and making it our own. This guidebook was left onRead more …