Everyday Jade

All the miscellaney…

Just Because I Feel Like Writing

Jan 11, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 1

I don’t have a theme to this post, or anything in particular I need to get off my chest, to work through, to say. I’m just feeling…chatty, I guess, feeling like nattering on about inconsequential things, something I haven’t done here in quite awhile. Sometimes it seems like everything I write here has to be “Important” with a capital “I”, or that I am so bound up in things that are happening and desperate to walk my way through them in writing (because that’s how I work things out best) that everything I write is heavy with the weight of its own significance (at least to me.) But tonight…no, I just feel like writing. I was so inspired I couldn’t even wait until I got home (though once here I did do two hours of homework before I allowed myself blog time.) Here is what I “wrote” via voice whileRead more …

A New Year’s Eve at the Beach

Round about a month ago, I got the sudden impulse to see the ocean before the year ends. I know, I’d just spent five days in the mountains, and a long weekend at Lake Michigan this past summer, but nothing works to soothe my soul like the sound of waves, the smell of salt water, the sight of the endless horizon of the sea. Adam, being the lovely soul that he is, agreed to┬áindulge me, and we planned a twelve-and-a-half-hour road trip to the Carolina coast on the spur of the moment. And that’s I ended up by the beach for four days over the New Year’s Eve weekend, and I couldn’t have been happier. I had enjoyed my time with Les in the mountains, and felt I was very relaxed there, but after just a couple days away with Adam I realized I probably wasn’t as relaxed as IRead more …

Smoke and Mirrors

Oct 26, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Uncategorized, Wicked Wednesday | 4

It shouldn’t have happened, but after a perfectly lovely start to an evening out with Viper, we ended up in a huge fight. I could give reasons for my temper; explain how I was triggered, and, hurt, came out snarling and fighting, because that’s what I do when I’m hurt. But I won’t make excuses.  There may be reasons, but nothing excuses my behabior. Sometimes I feel like my life is a game of smoke and mirrors. One I am playing on myself as much as on my “audience.” I present myself to the world as one thing: a good person, loving, conscientious, giving; but I fear in my heart of hearts that the reality is far different. That deep down I’m this angry, damaged person. But I keep trying to fool the world, trying to fool myself. Even though I know my reactions didn’t happen in a vacuum, evenRead more …

A Peaceful Sunday

Oct 8, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Sinful Sunday | 14
jade naked

Last Saturday I didn’t stay over at Viper’s because of the Jewish holidays. Adam was supposed to be over both Friday and Saturday, but he had bailed on me due to work being a bitch and wearing him out. I could have invited RG over, but…it was unusual for me to have two whole nights alone on the weekend, and I was kind of reveling in it. So I didn’t invite him over either. I didn’t do much…a bit of homework, a lot of reading, some housework…oh, and a 42-mile bike ride with my daughter. But more about that later. Anyway, this was Sunday morning. I was laying in bed, relaxing, enjoying my freedom and my quiet house. Enjoying being alone. In that moment I didn’t want or need anyone’s company, anyone’s attention. I was perfectly comfortable to be my own best company. I had to take a snap justRead more …

Sleeping Single in a Double Bed

Oct 2, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Life Before | 0

I love my bed. My bedroom is not quite the sanctuary that the one in the Treehouse was, though it’s getting there. But my bed! Newly purchased for this new space (the iron canopy wouldn’t fit), with a new comforter and (as usual) more pillows than any human has a right to, I LOVE snuggling down into it, burrowing myself into the pillows and blankets or starfishing and sleeping crooked. It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. Not just cuz I’m sleepy, but because I don’t want to leave the comfort and sweetness of my bed. Mostly, I sleep there alone. In all the seven years that I was with W, I maybe slept alone three times. I was always with one or the other or both. And I loved it. I hated sleeping alone. But now…now I sleep alone more often than not, and most often,Read more …

Labels

Sep 21, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 1

I learned a brand new-to-me term for a poly partner: anchor partner. I’m familiar with primary partner, of course, and nesting partner, but “anchor” is a new one to me. I believe it encompasses exactly what role Adam is in my life, though. I’ve never had an issue with labels. Language and the words we use are how we communicate ideas to one another. Unlike some people, I don’t feel that a label is necessarily limiting, nor does it have to be all-encompassing. To me, a label is a starting point. A place where we can pause and reflect, and then expound upon it – or not – as needed. When I was with W and Adam, W insisted on a hierarchical approach to labeling our relationships. Adam was “primary,” W was “secondary.” He insisted on it being that way. But it was not very long before I knew thatRead more …

Three Men in One Day

Aug 4, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 0
hearts on a clothesline

I had to go in for a minor medical procedure yesterday. They put me out, so I needed a ride to the hospital and back home, and then someone to stay with me till they were assured of no ill effects from the anesthesia. Boyfriend 1: Comes over bright and early to pick me up. He changed his work schedule around so he could drive me. He sits with me while they prep me and poke me and ask me questions; he’s there when I wake up, listens to doctor’s instructions and takes me home to tuck me in for a nap afterward. Boyfriend 2: Calls me before I leave, having re-worked his morning routine, getting himself up an hour early so he would have time to talk on the phone with me before I went to the hospital, then showed up – surprise! – while I was in recovery.Read more …

I think I can.

Jul 20, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 2

I think I can do this. No, I really do. I think I can be happy. I think I can be content. I think I can accept what is, without pining for what is not. There’s been many times in the past – what’s it been, almost 2 years? – that I haven’t been sure of that. That I’ve doubted and wondered “why” and wished I was anywhere, in any other relationship(s), than the one(s) I am in. That it was all too hard, too complicated, too not-what-I-wanted out of my relationship(s). Out of my life. Sometimes I still feel that way. I love Viper and would be devastated not to have him in my life and I adore and crave the D/s dynamic we have created; I still love and appreciate Adam as much as I ever did (if not more so), even after almost 18 years; and IRead more …