Everyday Jade

All the miscellaney…

Wicked Wednesday – Losing Control

Nov 14, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 3

I love this topic. There are so many ways control – having it, losing it, giving it up, having it taken from me – lives large in my life. I love it, I need it, I want it; I want to give it up, want it taken from me, want to lose it. I am struggling all the time to gain it, to maintain it; control of my diet, of my daily habits, of myself is an on-going battle. In my relationship with V, I say “take it” and then I struggle against him and fight against losing the control that I say I want to give up. Control is, of course, at the heart of my D/s relationship with Viper. More than the sadism/masochism, more than the rough sex, being controlled is at the very deepest heart of my submission to him; it’s what makes me tick, what IRead more …

Washington, D.C. & Beyond

Nov 10, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 1

Author’s Note: I meant this to be a day-by-day, but, as so often happens when I plan or make a commitment to this space – I failed. So…while Saturday was actually written on Saturday, the rest…is not actually on the day-of. I traveled to D.C. early Saturday, in advance of a conference I am attending Mon-Thurs for my work. Saturday I’m sitting here in D.C., in a little studio AirBnB, snugged beneath one of the stately brownstones(?) that line these lovely, tree-lined streets. I spent all day walking this neighborhood and the ones nearby (7.5 miles!) after arriving at 9 this morning. I had gotten up at 4 a.m. to catch my 6 a.m. flight here, after getting about 3 hours of sleep…I might have been a bit punch-drunk most of the day. But I wasn’t, not really. I was in the moment, engaged, marveling that I was there –Read more …

Here and Gone

Oct 21, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 0

Fall always creeps up on me, surprising me (though lord knows by now it shouldn’t) with its steadily decreasing sunlight, and bringing with it the gift of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I feel querulous, easily-agitated and lethargic; I find it hard to focus at times and experience anxiety far more frequently; my sleep patterns are disrupted and the sleep I do get is usually broken. I’ve started taking a prescription at night again to help me sleep, something I haven’t done in months, although I feel like I want to stay in bed all day, every day. I’m on a combination of two meds, at a low dose, year-round. My previous primary and I had finally found a combination that didn’t mess with my sexual appetite or ability to orgasm, and was low enough that I didn’t feel zombified, so I’d be willing to take it year-round, instead of goingRead more …

A pause, a moment, a breath.

I woke this morning from a dream I had in which W was alive, only to remember that he wasn’t in the moments after I woke. That’s always a painful moment, when the realization hits – oh, wait, he’s not here anymore. This time, unlike some others when he has shown up in my dreams, I didn’t have the bittersweet joy – albeit short-lived, whist dreaming – of talking to him, of seeing him, of experiencing him alive once more, because in this dream I didn’t get to talk to him. I dreamed I was trying to each him via cell phone, but could not. I woke, reaching for my phone, to text him – “Call me!” Of course he never will. I don’t feel the overwhelming sadness at that thought that I used to, now. It comes with the understanding that our time has passed; that his time has.Read more …

Escape

Oct 6, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I wrote this earlier today, needing a break from menial tasks at work, and feeling by turns drained, frazzled & heartsick at the things that are happening politically in my country. I think, more than anything, I just want to escape that, I want this nightmare regime to be over, I want things to be better again. I want Trump and all his pussy-grabbing cronies to be gone. But the knowledge that Kavanaugh will certainly be confirmed means that they will have a hold on our world for much, much longer than it takes to oust Trump, and I am sick about it. The very worst that I feared from this election has come to pass. I am heartbroken and sickened. And I just want to escape. But, I realized, after coming home and working out and taking a nap and assessing my life, I don’t want to escape my life,Read more …

A Self-Care Champion

Damn I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. Well, not “writing” writing – you know, hot, steamy, messy, sexy writing – but lots of the writing that I originally created my blog for. It didn’t start out as a sex blog. I think that evolution happened with W. I was having all these amazing sexy encounters (with accompanying pics) and…well, I wanted to show them off. What we were doing, in images and words. I have never been able to color inside the lines, though, so my blog became a story as well, not just a series of encounters. It became the story of our lives – W’s, Ad’s and mine – as well as an account of all the sex we got up to. I really wanted to write about relationship dynamics, about being poly in a mono world, about being kinky in a non-kink world, and IRead more …

Weekend Update

Oct 1, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 2

it’s hard to update on my phone, but I’m too lazy to get out the laptop or even my tablet. I’m laying here in bed drinking a vodka and Rum Chata (I either want to kiss or kill the coworker who introduced me to the stuff), after a full day of cleaning, puzzling, cooking and spending bits of time with Viper, who stayed over last night, and Adam, who I met for breakfast. It was a good day, though I had a brief sad period about 3/4 of the way through, feeling lonely. The roommate is out of town, V is with his family and Ad, well. He’s at his place. But I’ve recovered from that, and am feeling okay. This was a busy weekend. Friday I reached out to an acquaintance I have known in the scene for years, but who I have never actually spent time with outsideRead more …

Trainwrecks and Ravines

Sep 25, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I feel like, somewhere between last Friday and today, my life went completely off the rails, and I am left standing here, staring down at the wreckage of the train, smoking and twisted at the bottom of the ravine. It’s not that dramatic, of course. Well, it felt that way…and sometimes, still does, when I am stumbling and grasping for a handhold, for a way through this to the other side, and all I come up with is…a blank wall. Absolutely no idea how to make things better, how to turn things around. How to stop that train from derailing. It’s those moments when I just want this to be a normal Tuesday, when I might or might not text Adam to come over, or to meet me out. When my choices are between taking a nice long walk or being lazy and reading in bed, or maybe watching NetflixRead more …

Someday…

“Someday” is a really hard concept for me. I have always been an “in the moment” person. Delayed gratification has never been my strong suit. One of my earliest memories is one I am ashamed of, and yet so epitomizes me in regards to delayed gratification. My “real” dad, my biological father, got to see me only every other Saturday, and even that my mom and stepdad did their best to ruin or minimize if they could. We’d go on some adventure, and then, on the way back to my mom’s, we’d split a Hershey bar. It was our special treat (and it is my favorite chocolate to this day.) On this Saturday, he was running late in getting me back to my mom. I didn’t know then what I  do now: any minor transgression my mom would report to the court, to use against my father to deny himRead more …

A Magical Weekend, or the Weekend of the Misplaced Bra

Sep 11, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 2

So much magic. So many connections. So many things happened – even when they seemed to be a “bad thing” – in just the right, perfect way. Today, as I left, in just the airport, I met and talked to a fascinating woman at the bar for an hour about all the things. I have no idea why she decided to talk to me. She just took the stool next to me and the next thing we knew we were talking about…hell. Everything.  Work and life and jobs and divorce and satisfaction and new loves and old; about being happy or being content, and whether they were the same thing. About taking chances. About living, truly making the choice to live, not just survive. Then there was the guy in line that commiserated with me when I couldn’t hear the announcements for onboarding the plane. For 15 minutes while weRead more …