Everyday Jade

All the miscellaney…

B is for Breath

Apr 2, 2018 | Posted by in A-Z Blogging Challenge, Everyday Jade | 1

Breath – as in the breath that I am learning to take when I am triggered emotionally, before I respond with fight or flight. Learning that fight or flight isn’t the only option is an ongoing lesson in my world. In the past, any kind of “confrontation” would trigger all kinds of physiological and emotional responses – heart racing, hands shaking, face flushing, brain stopping, anger or anxiety exploding. Classic fight or flight. Which might be necessary in a true fight or flight situation. But for some reason, somewhere in my reptilian brain, any kind of adverse reaction: criticism, a denial, an argument, a change I wasn’t prepared for, as well as legitimate conflict, got classified as “fight or flight” situations, and I reacted – not always in appropriate ways. It’s hard to undo what feels like something hardwired in my brain, but taking that first breath is the firstRead more …

The struggle is real – but it’s not insurmountable

Mar 13, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 1

I’ve been struggling a bit lately; had a bad week where all I did was sleep (and still wanted more); where I couldn’t manage too much peopling (still limiting that as it really drains the few emotional resources I have); didn’t have an interest in anything: not exercise, not sex, not BDSM play, not writing, not work, not school, not meal planning or cooking, not crochet. Even committing myself to mindless binge-watching was too arduous – I couldn’t manage the thinking that my usual binge-worthy shows required. But little by little, I’m clawing my way out of it. Not all at once, and not with giant leaps, but with careful, considered, baby steps. And I want to congratulate myself for these steps, however small. Because they aren’t always easy to take when all I want is my pillow-and-blanket fort. Sometimes I need a little pat on the back, a littleRead more …

The Ides of March. Also, Sex, Love & Submission.

March is always hard (if always means “since W died”). This one is no exception. Not harder than the others, and perhaps, on the “W died in March and that makes March a goddamned sucky month” front, it’s probably getting…something like easier. But this particular March has been fraught with other angst-inducing phenomena (health issues, relationship issues, family issues), and, to top it off, the weather is gray and drab and weeps misery, so, in some ways, it has been worse. Can’t I deal with only one sucky thing at a time?? I’ve spent pretty much every day dragging my sorry ass out of bed, clocking time at work like a zombie, then crawling back into my blanket-and-pillow fort to sleep 11 or 12 hours a night, before making myself do it again. But okay…after seven days of this bullshit, I decided to get myself out of bed and DORead more …

Days 24 & 25 – Baby Got Back

I missed yesterday’s February Photofest post. I had running around to do, then spent the afternoon with my daughter and mom, teaching Mom how to use the Instapot my dad just got her. Like my mom really needed another kitchen gadget. Name a gadget or one-use kitchen item in the universe, and it’s somewhere in my mom’s kitchen. But it was a pleasant-enough afternoon, if you discount the horrible weather I had drive in, which put me hours behind in my “to-do before I go out to the party with V” list, and posting here was (only) one of the things that got left undone. I’m okay with the sacrifice, though. Every hour I get to spend with my elderly momma is a blessing, to say nothing of getting my daughter all to myself in the car for two hours. All those things that you would tell your younger self in aRead more …

Just Because I Feel Like Writing

Jan 11, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 1

I don’t have a theme to this post, or anything in particular I need to get off my chest, to work through, to say. I’m just feeling…chatty, I guess, feeling like nattering on about inconsequential things, something I haven’t done here in quite awhile. Sometimes it seems like everything I write here has to be “Important” with a capital “I”, or that I am so bound up in things that are happening and desperate to walk my way through them in writing (because that’s how I work things out best) that everything I write is heavy with the weight of its own significance (at least to me.) But tonight…no, I just feel like writing. I was so inspired I couldn’t even wait until I got home (though once here I did do two hours of homework before I allowed myself blog time.) Here is what I “wrote” via voice whileRead more …

A New Year’s Eve at the Beach

Round about a month ago, I got the sudden impulse to see the ocean before the year ends. I know, I’d just spent five days in the mountains, and a long weekend at Lake Michigan this past summer, but nothing works to soothe my soul like the sound of waves, the smell of salt water, the sight of the endless horizon of the sea. Adam, being the lovely soul that he is, agreed to indulge me, and we planned a twelve-and-a-half-hour road trip to the Carolina coast on the spur of the moment. And that’s I ended up by the beach for four days over the New Year’s Eve weekend, and I couldn’t have been happier. I had enjoyed my time with Les in the mountains, and felt I was very relaxed there, but after just a couple days away with Adam I realized I probably wasn’t as relaxed as IRead more …

Smoke and Mirrors

Oct 26, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Uncategorized, Wicked Wednesday | 4

It shouldn’t have happened, but after a perfectly lovely start to an evening out with Viper, we ended up in a huge fight. I could give reasons for my temper; explain how I was triggered, and, hurt, came out snarling and fighting, because that’s what I do when I’m hurt. But I won’t make excuses.  There may be reasons, but nothing excuses my behabior. Sometimes I feel like my life is a game of smoke and mirrors. One I am playing on myself as much as on my “audience.” I present myself to the world as one thing: a good person, loving, conscientious, giving; but I fear in my heart of hearts that the reality is far different. That deep down I’m this angry, damaged person. But I keep trying to fool the world, trying to fool myself. Even though I know my reactions didn’t happen in a vacuum, evenRead more …