Everyday Jade

All the miscellaney…

Space of My Own

I am always always always late on these Wicked Wednesday posts, even when they are something I want to write about. Even though I get the email as soon as Marie Rebel posts the prompt. Maybe I should make that a blogging goal. I have decided to make myself modest (very modest) writing goals this year, because, in the past, that has worked to some degree for me.. Nothing like the goals I have set in the past (a story a month submitted for publication? How crazy was that? Even crazier that every one of them got published…) but something to work for, something to give me a little boost whenever I make a goal. So? Maybe doing – at minimum – the Wicked Wednesday prompts. We’ll see. Still cogitating on that one. Anyway, I digress. This past Wednesday’s prompt was about “space.” The prompt talked about space like, youRead more …

2016 in Retrospect – A Little Perspective

Jan 7, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade | 6

After my last post I had some photo organizing to do, unrelated to 2016, but none-the-less I ended up going through a whole lot of images from last year, and I had a realization: there was a lot of laughter in the past year.  There were also many good times, a fuckton of joy and play, silliness and love and friendship. Yes, there’s been a lot of sad in me, and it’s caused me to act out many times in ways that I am not proud of…but a little perspective is perhaps in order, too. I’m really, really hard on myself. If I don’t act in all ways in compassion, in love, in kindness and with good intent, I am convinced that I am a horrible person and believe I am undeserving of love. The truth is, I have been ugly and small-minded at times. I have felt anger atRead more …

Looking Forward, Looking Back

Jan 3, 2017 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Life Before, Wicked Wednesday | 9

For a few years of Kink & Poly, I did a “First Line” retrospective, where, for my first post of the New Year, I quoted the first line of the first post each month of the previous year, sometimes interjecting a note here or there about it, or about where I was now in regards to it. Obviously, this year, I can’t do that. Nor do I think I’d want to. The year wasn’t all bad, in fact there was a lot of joy and happiness to be had. But there was an awful lot of pain as well, misunderstandings, sadness and sorrow, growth and “learning opportunities,” too. I struggled a lot this past year, both emotionally and physically, and have come to realize that much of it – the emotional stuff – came from inside of me. So often I thought I had healed and was moving forward, stayingRead more …

So much to say…

I’ve heard  from a couple of friends, wondering where I am, if I’m well. I am. Well. And thinking about writing all the time. But then…I don’t. I get busy with school and work and life and the urge to record the doings of my life just isn’t there. I don’t know what to say anymore. I don’t know what to talk about. My life is good, my relationships are stable, I’m “rolling the ball forward,” as V says. But I don’t have anything very interesting to write about. I loved writing about sex. And it’s not like we don’t have good sex. Some pretty spectacular sex. But I don’t often find myself driven to talk about it here. I loved writing about kink. It’s not like we don’t have our brand of kink. Sometimes it’s kinky as fuck. But, again, I don’t often find myself compelled to share thoseRead more …

Seabird

Oct 1, 2016 | Posted by in Everyday Jade | 3

I am no stranger to depression. I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and have had debilitating bouts of clinical depression that only anti-depressants have been able to alleviate. Sometimes years go by in between bouts; I have found non-prescription coping mechanisms, like my Happy Light and mood managing routines, that help control the SAD if it doesn’t get too acute. Sometimes, even when it is bad, I fight having to take medication. I don’t want to be in a chemically altered state, and always before, the side effects were prohibitive enough to make me use medication only as a last resort, and to wait far too long to give in and take it. There are times, though, when the depression hits and I just don’t recognize it for what it is. When the slide is so long and slow that I’m surprised when I scrape the bottom with my belly;Read more …

A Birthday Weekend in the Smokies

(Ed. note: This was started the weekend of my birthday weekend, when we went to Gatlinburg. As usual, life has intervened in me getting this posted in a timely fashion, but, well, better late than never?) It’s 1 a.m. here, and I’m sitting at my little round table-for-two in front of the patio window, the door open so I can hear the breeze soughing through the trees, sipping on a rumchata and vodka. I just walked in about a half hour ago from a perfectly lovely weekend in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, with Adam and a group of friends at a cabin (they included V and his wife, E.) It’s so peaceful here. I thought all the way home that I’d be sad and lonely, when we finally got home and Adam went over to the Big Condo and V was home with his wife. But instead as soon as I walkedRead more …

Sunday Juxtaposition

Sep 12, 2016 | Posted by in Everyday Jade | 7

After reading Hy’s post about being alone on a Sunday – and relating to being alone this day – I thought I’d post my own Sinful Sunday image – though quite a different image it is. But, as these things go, and as is often the case in my life, time got away from me and I ended up with the picture but not the time to do the blog post before Sunday ended. Eh, what the heck, I post so seldom these days, I shouldn’t let it go to waste, right? The image amuses and pleases me on a number of levels, though it came at the end of a day of conflicting emotions. I managed my emotions, though, using all the “tools in my toolbox”: getting out of my head and into my body (a grueling twelve-mile bike ride); doing something for someone else (taking the Felix-pup for aRead more …

Catching Up

Author’s note: I’ve started and stopped this post so many times, written and pondered and wanted to finish it and not done so time and again. I finally gave it up as too long ago to matter, but now here I am again, though the “why” I’m back revisiting family relationships and dynamics is different: I’m staying at my mom’s this week to keep her company while my stepdad goes back East to sit vigil on his youngest sister, who has been in a coma since a heart attack last week, and who was diagnosed with inoperable, stage 4 lung cancer the month that this trip happened. I had never met her before this and now…I have bonds to this family that weren’t mine until this trip. I’m struggling to disentangle my feelings about it all. So this post begins with my musings from yesterday about all this, and thenRead more …

School Daze

Aug 25, 2016 | Posted by in Everyday Jade | 3

I joined – or rejoined – the ranks of adults returning to school tonight. For the first time ever I am enrolled in a university, as opposed to a community college. That’s right, I’m in with the big kids now, starting on the road to a bachelor’s degree. We’ll see how far down this road I get. Sometimes I am excited – I love to learn new shit! And it’s shit I want to learn (mostly.) And it is the start of (hopefully, maybe) a new career path. Sometimes I am terrified – WTF am I doing this for at my age?? Who do I think I’m kidding? I’m not smart enough or young enough for this. Mostly I am…resigned is not quite the word (too defeated)…but something close to it…to this course of action. I do not want to work my current job forever. I need to learn newRead more …

A Different Body

Aug 7, 2016 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Sinful Sunday | 7

I’ve had these pictures for awhile now but haven’t found the time to post them.  These were taken during one of our twice-yearly kink events here in the Lou, so they weren’t taken specifically for this month’s Sinful Sunday prompt, “taken from below,” but they do kind of fit it, don’t you think? I mean, you couldn’t get the full effect of the staples if you’re weren’t shooting from below… What a weekend that was. I had spent Friday night in the hospital after an ER visit prompted by a herniated disc in my back. That Saturday morning, I had been released (with quite a bit of disgruntlement from the hospital staff and the neurosurgeon who would end up performing surgery on me) to get my labia rings removed, so they could perform an MRI to see the extent of the injury. But that night, with all my friends at theRead more …