Wicked Wednesday

Wicked Wednesday – Losing Control

Nov 14, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 3

I love this topic. There are so many ways control – having it, losing it, giving it up, having it taken from me – lives large in my life. I love it, I need it, I want it; I want to give it up, want it taken from me, want to lose it. I am struggling all the time to gain it, to maintain it; control of my diet, of my daily habits, of myself is an on-going battle. In my relationship with V, I say “take it” and then I struggle against him and fight against losing the control that I say I want to give up. Control is, of course, at the heart of my D/s relationship with Viper. More than the sadism/masochism, more than the rough sex, being controlled is at the very deepest heart of my submission to him; it’s what makes me tick, what IRead more …

The Weekend at Kinky Kollege

Oct 31, 2018 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 8

A Play-by-Play (sort of) Friday I have such a goddamned piss-poor memory. Here I am, at Kinky Kollege in Chicago, trying to remember if I have been to this event alone before. I remember doing a scene with my friend Bad Beast, and saying goodbye to him the next day…and I was alone then…so…I must have? But I don’t remember traveling up here or being here alone. So I’m confused. Was that the “Play to Red” scene time…I don’t think so. Mj was there. Adam and Warren were there. So no. So when was it? I am also remembering going to Cope alone. But also driving back from Cope with Viper. So…it must have been two different times. Did I play those other times, when I was alone? I don’t remember that either. Anyway, I’m here now, at Kinky Kollege (a twice a year kink con in Chicago) alone. Well,Read more …

A pause, a moment, a breath.

I woke this morning from a dream I had in which W was alive, only to remember that he wasn’t in the moments after I woke. That’s always a painful moment, when the realization hits – oh, wait, he’s not here anymore. This time, unlike some others when he has shown up in my dreams, I didn’t have the bittersweet joy – albeit short-lived, whist dreaming – of talking to him, of seeing him, of experiencing him alive once more, because in this dream I didn’t get to talk to him. I dreamed I was trying to each him via cell phone, but could not. I woke, reaching for my phone, to text him – “Call me!” Of course he never will. I don’t feel the overwhelming sadness at that thought that I used to, now. It comes with the understanding that our time has passed; that his time has.Read more …

A Self-Care Champion

Damn I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. Well, not “writing” writing – you know, hot, steamy, messy, sexy writing – but lots of the writing that I originally created my blog for. It didn’t start out as a sex blog. I think that evolution happened with W. I was having all these amazing sexy encounters (with accompanying pics) and…well, I wanted to show them off. What we were doing, in images and words. I have never been able to color inside the lines, though, so my blog became a story as well, not just a series of encounters. It became the story of our lives – W’s, Ad’s and mine – as well as an account of all the sex we got up to. I really wanted to write about relationship dynamics, about being poly in a mono world, about being kinky in a non-kink world, and IRead more …

All healing is first a healing of the heart

Sep 26, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 6

I can probably say I know a lot about healing. Not that I have suffered that much in my life. Seriously, I have been blessed in so many ways. But I have had to find a way to go on, as most of us do, after a tragedy. And I have found it. I believe I have found the path to healing because I have been so very blessed. To do anything else would be to throw the gifts of love and kindness and support away; to deny their power and importance in my life. And so, I find my way to a place of healing, even when I believe there is none.   This is truth, although, in the depths of being broken, I did not know it. I am better now than I ever was. Pain has sharpened my humility; sorrow has deepened my empathy. I am stronger,Read more …

Someday…

“Someday” is a really hard concept for me. I have always been an “in the moment” person. Delayed gratification has never been my strong suit. One of my earliest memories is one I am ashamed of, and yet so epitomizes me in regards to delayed gratification. My “real” dad, my biological father, got to see me only every other Saturday, and even that my mom and stepdad did their best to ruin or minimize if they could. We’d go on some adventure, and then, on the way back to my mom’s, we’d split a Hershey bar. It was our special treat (and it is my favorite chocolate to this day.) On this Saturday, he was running late in getting me back to my mom. I didn’t know then what I  do now: any minor transgression my mom would report to the court, to use against my father to deny himRead more …

What’s love got to do with it

Aug 29, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Wicked Wednesday | 7

I’m feeling contemplative today. The other night, after unpacking from the weekend and doing my Sinful Sunday post, I laid in bed and thought about my life: where it was, what I had wanted; where it is, what I want now. I wrote this to Vipelr: “I’m trying to figure out the life I want and it’s not always the life I have and I wonder if I just settle for the life I have because I know I can’t have the life I want.” I’m trying to figure out if I really feel that way – that I am settling for what I can have, because I can’t have what I really want – or if that is just something I a) have told myself for so long that it’s become “true” in my head, even if it really isn’t; and b) the thing I think when I amRead more …

Collaboration

col·lab·o·ra·tion kəˌlabəˈrāSH(ə)n noun 1. the action of working with someone to produce or create something. An internet meme is a kind of collaboration. A blogger, a writer, an author, imagines a theme and creates a space where other writer/bloggers can post their own contributions to the theme: Sinful Sunday Wicked Wednesday Masturbation Monday Friday is Boobday February Photofest Kink of the Week Food for Thought Friday All collaborations. As is my own, the Scavenger Hunt. The Scavenger Hunt is a collaboration in more than just being a meme though (at least to me.) The Scavenger Hunt feels like…an heirloom, a legacy. It has been through several “facilitators”…other bloggers that have managed it and then, for one reason or another, had to let it go. I am only the last of these facilitators. I took over the Scavenger Hunt at a particularly sensitive time in my writing life: I had closedRead more …

Twelve days between kisses

He actually said those words to me. Or, okay, typed them. But. I know, it’s not that freaking long. I mean, I really know.  I do not intend to imply that it’s anywhere near the kind of misery that people who have to endure weeks and months apart endure. Hell I was there when W had to go stay with his ailing mother for months on end. But… This feels different. I know, I know, I said something similar back then, when W and I struggled to stay connected through the long weeks of his absence. And, truth is, this is not the first time V and I have been separated for this length of time. It happened in the first 6 weeks that I knew him, as a matter of fact. But… This feels different. W and I had a very deep, very intimate D/s relationship. How I feltRead more …

Baby, baby, I hear a symphony…

Jul 18, 2018 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 5

I really tried to write for this Wednesday’s prompt, “Symphony.” I even had the beginnings of a story… He was a lover of the symphony; she was not. “It’s so boring,” she would say, her voice perilously close to a whine. “You need some culture,” he’d reply. “Honestly, give it a try, you’ll like it.” For three years it had been like that, and every year he had insisted, and she had gone, and he had loved it and she had been bored. Really, he should have just left her home, but he truly was convinced that she would learn to love it. And besides, it was an excuse to see and be seen with the beautiful woman he had married. “I’ll tell you what,” he said this year. “I’ll make it worth your while.” She raised an eyebrow sceptically. “Oh? And how’s that?” “We’ll make it a game,” heRead more …