Relationship Stuff

Someday…

“Someday” is a really hard concept for me. I have always been an “in the moment” person. Delayed gratification has never been my strong suit. One of my earliest memories is one I am ashamed of, and yet so epitomizes me in regards to delayed gratification. My “real” dad, my biological father, got to see me only every other Saturday, and even that my mom and stepdad did their best to ruin or minimize if they could. We’d go on some adventure, and then, on the way back to my mom’s, we’d split a Hershey bar. It was our special treat (and it is my favorite chocolate to this day.) On this Saturday, he was running late in getting me back to my mom. I didn’t know then what I  do now: any minor transgression my mom would report to the court, to use against my father to deny himRead more …

Twelve days between kisses

He actually said those words to me. Or, okay, typed them. But. I know, it’s not that freaking long. I mean, I really know.  I do not intend to imply that it’s anywhere near the kind of misery that people who have to endure weeks and months apart endure. Hell I was there when W had to go stay with his ailing mother for months on end. But… This feels different. I know, I know, I said something similar back then, when W and I struggled to stay connected through the long weeks of his absence. And, truth is, this is not the first time V and I have been separated for this length of time. It happened in the first 6 weeks that I knew him, as a matter of fact. But… This feels different. W and I had a very deep, very intimate D/s relationship. How I feltRead more …

Two Weeks-at-a-Glance

Jul 28, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Kinky Stuff, Relationship Stuff | 2

I started using a daily journaling app on my phone so I can quickly jot down what I do each day. Not journaling like here, but more bullet points to jog my memory. Or that I can refer back to when I’m struggling to remember what the heck I did last Thursday, or what happened on a certain play date (“Was that the time you made me push the ball around on the floor, or the time I had to roll the dice to see what implement you were going to use next?”) The cool thing is that it connects with my calendar, the gps on my phone, with Facebook and my photos app automatically. It has an activity feed that shows where I was when, and pulls in any FB posts or pictures I took, and then I review it, decide if I want to keep it, or atRead more …

Dear Younger Me…

Today is a better day. I woke up eager to write, in fact so much so that I left V’s house early so I could come in early to work to do so. I’d forgotten how much I like to be in the office before anyone else. Our hallway is dark, their offices too, this side of the building is quiet. It’s not that different when they are here, to be truthful, but without the extra bodies it’s just…peaceful. Oh, ha, I know why it feels good: it reminds me of working from home. It reminds me of getting up in the morning just at dawn in the Treehouse. I miss it there, sometimes. How colorful it was, how peaceful up there in the trees. I don’t miss not being able to walk everywhere; not having a wonderful park right in my neighborhood and the Botanical Gardens practically next door;Read more …

When even a massage doesn’t help.

May 31, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 0

This evening my massage therapist asked me what I’d like to get out of my massage, and I said, in complete honesty, please just take me out of my head. I had had a rough day on multiple fronts, not the least of which was my car – after I had driven it away from the mechanic, supposedly fixed – doing the same thing that had gotten it towed to the mechanics in the first place. Back to the drawing board. There were other things, too, interpersonal things, relationship bullshit that I really think we should all just be beyond, and just general life crap. Sometimes, really? I want to just say fuck it and walk away. Unfortunately this tale doesn’t have a happy ending like, oh she was so amazing all my worries were massaged away! Nope, instead she chatted the entire massage. I’ve had her before and notRead more …

Moving along in the alphabet…

Sooo…I got as far as “U” before life intervened again and blogging fell by the wayside. I had actually written words up to “X” but just couldn’t find the time to edit images to go with them and actually get them posted. By now they feel outdated. So, maybe I will just do a wrap-up and leave it at that… But seriously. This has been my life: 7 am – wake 8 – 5 am – work 6 – whenever – work on O & E’s house 9 or 10 pm – home to bed This is the first evening I took off to do the things I need to do: plant my garden, spend time with Adam, think about something other than tasks and projects at O & E’s. It’s weird being this involved in the renovation, sale and purchase of homes that aren’t mine…that have been made veryRead more …

Teasing and Torment

Mar 30, 2018 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Relationship Stuff | 2

I need to date and timestamp my posts. I started this…what, six, seven days ago? It feels like an eternity ago, because all that time I’ve been on punishment, the saga of which I detail below. **************** I’m sitting here in bed, my tablet on my lap. Twenty minutes ago, I was doing exercises with a buttplug in my ass. Ten minutes ago I was laying on the floor, in the little space between my bed and my easy chair, still with buttplug in my ass, buzzing my Baldy against my clit and fantasizing about tying V to a cross and teasing him to a drippy, frustrated mess. Of course this was all at his behest – it’s continued punishment for that orgasm I stole. “Don’t you remember last time you stole an orgasm?” he said, when I complained about the situation. “Obviously not,” he says, sighing. “Looks like youRead more …

Ready

Mar 19, 2018 | Posted by in Masturbation Monday, Relationship Stuff | 4

It’s early afternoon and already I’m ready… Ready to walk out of here for the night. Ready to sip my wine cool my heels pretend I’m not just killing time until the moment I see you Ready to see your smile as you walk up to my car open the door pull me into your arms. Ready to feel your hand in my hair your lips on mine. Ready to taste your tongue in my mouth to feel the hard length of your cock inside your jeans pressed against my hip. I’m ready to follow you downstairs undress while you watch to fall to my knees before you to feel your hand on my back – a benediction. Ready to feel the whip on my flesh your hands rough on my skin your voice in my ear your body against mine. Ready to writhe beneath the kiss of the whip andRead more …

Of Subdrop & Self-Care

Dec 5, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Kinky Stuff, Life Before, Relationship Stuff | 2

Whoa…it’s been awhile since I’ve had a bona fide case of subdrop. Long enough that I can’t really remember when it last was. I didn’t even drop after the event a few weekends ago, when I spent two full days and nights with both guys, got cut on, and beat up, and made to fuck a dragon cock in public while Viper shoved a glass dildo up my ass. Oh, and I happened to be wrapped up tight in neon pink vet-wrap so that I looked like an amputee. With a ballgag in my mouth and vet-wrap over my eyes too, up on a table where a dungeon full of kinksters could watch as I was made to fuck myself silly, grinding helplessly against Baldy, the dragon cock in my pussy and V pushing the glass wand in and out of my ass. It’s that part that is most embarrassing,Read more …

Summer’s End

Nov 5, 2017 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff, Sinful Sunday | 13

It’s finally the end of summer for real; fall has moved in with its glorious colors and cool, crisp temperatures. I wasn’t really ready to say goodbye. I said goodbye to something else too, recently: a romantic relationship with RG. A couple weekends ago I told him how I was feeling. I told him that, although I wanted (very much) to feel a certain way about him, although I had tried to feel that way, I just didn’t. I didn’t feel romantic towards him, and couldn’t have a sexual/romantic relationship with him. There are a number of factors that went into that realization, but the one I shared with him is my lack of emotional availability. I thought I had it in me to love someone else romantically, but…I just don’t. Everything I have is so wrapped up in V, there isn’t room for anyone else, except Adam. I love RGRead more …