Relationship Stuff

Whoa

Nov 16, 2019 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

Whoa – I’m feeling good. Maybe it’s because my medication has settled out, or because I’m coming out of menopause-imposed insanity, but I don’t think so. I think it’s because…well, maybe I’m learning some stuff. Maybe I’m finally figuring out what I want my life to look like and how I want to live it. Maybe it’s because I am shaping my life to be that – what I want. I have been doing the emotional labor and now am making the life decisions to put me there: where I want to be. It feels good. It feels right. Also, because some of these are BIG life changes, it’s a bit scary. But that’s okay. Scary-ness in the service of living authentically can be managed. Even savored a bit. I am embracing my life as a solo poly person (for a good explanation of the term, see this excellent article:Read more …

Two Weekends, and Some Brooding

Two weekends, a weekend apart: so very different. I’ve gone to kink events alone – or thought I had, before the spanking event I went to a couple weeks ago. Actually, in retrospect, I may have traveled to those parties by myself (Boardwalk Badness Weekend in Atlantic City ~10 years ago, Kinky Kollege only last year) but the reality is, I wasn’t there alone. In both cases, I met friends there, I shared a room with friend(s), so while I wasn’t there with a partner, I definitely had people I knew around me. Apparently that is a key to my enjoyment of the event. Not that I don’t enjoy the travel alone, the being in a different place alone – I very deliberately chose that when I decided to go to Crimson Moon (the spanking party.) But apparently friends – or friends-to-be – are vital to my enjoyment of theRead more …

Taking Back My Power

In the “better late than never – no really,” category, I’m chiming in on the SafeworD/s Club, “Tell Me About…” prompt for “Power Exchange.” Of course the meme has already closed, because that’s how I roll (ugh). But this topic is top of mind for me right now, as I navigate the ways in which V’s and my relationship has changed during this D/s hiatus. Power exchange, freely and consensually giving up one’s power to another, is a heady thing. It is at the core of being a submissive, of desiring to submit to another. To submit to, to give one’s power to, another. For me it is obviously sexual; perhaps not so obviously, it also has deeper meaning than just the sexual. When I started this with V, I stated, quite emphatically, that D/s was not what I wanted. I wanted a play partner. Someone to “do the thingsRead more …

That was yesterday…

Jul 4, 2019 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

Ugh…today is one of those days. Having a hard time mustering the energy or desire to pop out of bed. To face the world, to be productive. To human. I was on the Grand Canyon Trek training bus last week, putting in 5 miles a day at least either walking or hiking, then decided to give myself a day off on Monday, that turned into a night in bed with relationship drama last night, and today… Here I am. Kinda want to be anywhere but here. Well, maybe I want to be HERE – here is my bed. Sleep, sleep like the little gnomy guy, the one in the fairy tale. That really was yesterday morning. This morning I am sitting at the bar at one of my favorite breakfast places – not having a drink. Eating granola with banana and yogurt and nuts, drinking a decaf latte, feeling theRead more …

One day at a time.

Jul 2, 2019 | Posted by in Being Poly, Relationship Stuff | 7

No this isn’t about drinking, but love can be like an addiction, and just as hard to keep away from, even when you know it’s bad for you. “Just get through these 8 hours without picking up the phone.” Sleep, read, try to write (or maybe, do write, and write well, since it’s Smut Marathon deadline time.) Distract oneself. Stay away from the phone. One hour, one day, at a time. The reality is – and one reason it is ending – is because, really, there are only two days – make that two evenings – per week to make it through, when I’d normally be with him. Because, bottom line, even after all this time – 4 years! – we are still only permitted two 12 hour blocks of time per week together. And that just isn’t enough to build a full relationship on, and I am tired ofRead more …

Day 27 – A Musical Night

When it;s good, it’s very, very good. V came over last night. We went to listen to music at the Garden and have a little picnic; it was a pleasant evening, if a bit cold and wet, since it had stormed earlier. But at least the free concert wasn’t canceled – they have already canceled 3 out of the 4 weekly concerts due to rain so far this summer. One of the reasons V switched our date nights to be alternating Tuesday/Wednesdays was so that we could go to them – it’s a favorite summertime activity of mine – so the cancellations have been doubly disappointing. Anyway, in spite of the not-ideal conditions, it was nice, feeling like we were on a date. Walking back to the house afterward we got into the never-ending discussion we have regarding schedules, though. When we got to the front door I put myRead more …

Day 4 – Forgetting

The prompt for today’s #dearjune is not an easy one for me. I thought about making light of it, joking about how I have a memory like a sieve, haha. (I do. Not so haha, but there it is. Some people have good brains, mine’s a little hole-y.) But I couldn’t do it and write something truthful, and, if I am going to put words to paper for posterity (or as long as computer memory lasts) I choose to always write my truth. I get that it might not be someone else’s – I know the story about the elephant and the blind men – but it’s mine, and that is all I can write. So of course, the words “memory” and “forgetting” always have to do with W. Even when I don’t want them to. Wait, what? What does that mean, “When I don’t want them to”? That soundsRead more …

Waiting for the tide to come in.

May 27, 2019 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 7

I was thinking about writing a Masturbation Monday tonight, but realized I don’t have it in me just now. I did work on my entry for the Smut Marathon, so there’s a spark of sexiness floating around out there, but really, it’s a feeble spark, and easily doused. It’s been that way for several weeks now. No sex, no kink, no erotic energy to speak of. There’s lots of reasons – life has been chaotic in ways just not conducive to sexiness – but damn. I miss it. I can’t remember the last time I had a good BDSM scene. And Saturday night’s sex with V was the first in almost the same amount of time. I feel like we’ve forgotten what that kind of energy feels like. And though I know (hope) it will come back, there’s this fear that it won’t. Kind of like the D/s has notRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – X is for XXX

“I’m going to go home, unpack, crawl into bed and administer a little self-care,” I say. “Oh? And what exactly does that ‘self-care’ entail?” I detect, even over the car’s speaker, a change in his tone. A very subtle edge. I am a master at sussing the nuances of his tone. It is an enthusiasm of mine to recognize the shift in his mood or attention or intention just by the subtleties of his tone of voice. I hesitate a moment. I’ve been flirting with the limits of this past(?) rule. I’ve pleasured myself many times without permission these past weeks. Yes, it has been satisfying, in terms of pure physical needs. And it has been interesting to find myself dipping into my old fantasies to use as wank material, deliberately avoiding the ones he has placed in my head these past years. But it also lacks…that special something thatRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – R is for…Realization, Risk & Rules

Wow, when I started brainstorming an “R” word, I had no idea that there were at least THREE memes with wonderful R words all ready for me to take on. Hold on to your hats, folks, this might be a long one. (Being cooped up for days in the aftermath of surgery, with lots of pain medication and nothing else to do might account for my long-winded-ness too. Who knows.) First up… Realization From The Erotic Journal Challenge, “Realization – Write about a time when you realized something about your sexuality.” I’ve tried looking back to find the one pivotal moment when I realized that I might be…different…than other people that I knew in regards to sex (I was raised in a very small town where, if there was any hint of any kind of sexual “deviancy,” it was well-hidden.) I think the best I can do is maybe just listRead more …