Relationship Stuff

Forward by the scruff of my neck

I’m moving forward, if incrementally, into a more stable emotional space. I am hoping that feeling better will spur my motivation to write, as well – you know, like the sexy, naughty stuff – but we will see. At the moment, I’m not feeling any sexy, naughty stuff, much less doing any sexy naughty stuff, so it’s kind of a moot point, but, you know, it could happen. Or I could write fiction. As it stands, V and I are kind of in a holding pattern. We’re not off, but we’re not exactly on, either, as I struggle through the emotional morass I have found myself in. We’re holding still. We’re communicating (sometimes a lot) and mostly in healthy ways, and still seeing each other our two times/week. Last weekend we even saw each other in the middle of a weekend day (gasp.) But things aren’t entirely – or even remotely –Read more …

It’s 11:45 p.m. Do you know where your sleep is?

Feb 20, 2019 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I can’t find mine. I’ve fallen into the habit of not being able to settle down to write until after 10 or 11 at night, and not finishing up and being able to try to sleep till after midnight or 1 a.m. And then, sometimes, not even then. It’s wreaking havoc with my daylight hours; I am drowsy and nod off at my desk, I nap at lunch, I am bleary and unfocused. I yawn all day. I want to train myself out of it – make myself go to bed earlier, forsake my laptop, do all the things they say you’re supposed to do for good mental and physical health – but then I won’t get any writing done, and now that I’ve started again it’s like a flood of words in my head and I Have To Get Them Out. Or what, I don’t know. Part of thisRead more …

Random nonsense, buttplugs and writing. Oh, and brussel sprouts.

Jan 22, 2019 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Life Before, Relationship Stuff | 0

So, yeah. Here it is the (almost) beginning of the week and I am looking at my schedule for the next few days, and thinking about writing, and feeling both excited (yay, writing!) and guilty (how the fuck did I lose three straight days off work without writing? Or exercising. Or crocheting. Or, really, ANYTHING I had planned to get done??!??) My bed is soooo seductive. Especially when nighttime in my bed has been rather sucky, what with that whole “Nope, not gonna sleep til, like, 3 a.m. Or maybe 4. Yeah. 4 a.m. seems a reasonable time to go to sleep.” I know, I know, if I didn’t sleep all day I wouldn’t be awake all night. But I swear it started the other way around. “He started it!” But okay. Here we are. Where we are, by the way, is a Tuesday evening when it was too coldRead more …

More mash. Or maybe it’s mish…

At times I find (most times, lately) that I have to make myself sit down here and write. I feel vaguely ashamed of this admission. Writing – this blog and the many short stories I wrote – used to be my life. Truly. Though I got burned out at times, even then, I was so incredibly proud of what I had built at K&P. It was more than just the followers I had. Though “You like me! You really like me!” certainly described how I felt about it. It was even more than the salacious pleasure I got from knowing I could share these bawdy adventures, this crazy life, and people would read it. People would fantasize about it! It was even more than knowing it made W feel to read my accounts of what we’d done, knowing others were reading about it. (Yeah ok, maybe we were shallow thatRead more …

A Mish-Mash of Things

Dec 19, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 3

I suppose that should be “things” lowercase t, but it’s a title, so it’s “Things” capital-T, even though it’s really just a random, unsorted, largely unrelated and probably not too interesting mish-mash of thoughts. I haven’t had time or inclination to write much, until this moment really, when I trudged up the third stairway to my room, a little wobbly from a very strong white Russian, but not wobbly-headed enough that I couldn’t contemplate putting fingers to keyboard. And suddenly I wanted to. My second WR is next to me on my nightstand, so we shall see how far I get. LOL Really, I should be spending every spare moment crocheting a gift I am making for my sister, but obviously I am not. Hah – crochet. That will be my number one not-very-interesting thing. Crochet I am making this for my sister. Which, frankly, freaks me out a littleRead more …

KOTW – Collars, Revisited

The Kink of the Week is Collars. It’s a topic that has been covered before in the KOTW, but as Molly noted in the introduction, that was back in 2013; there are new writers out there; and there are also plenty of us that will revisit the topic again with new perspective. I discussed the topic myself for that 2013 KOTW, though it was on Kink & Poly, and of course my partner was W. You can read that post here, if you’d like. I just read it again myself, actually, and thought I would call out this part, in case a certain someone out there decides to read this but not that (I’m looking at you, V. ;-) ) I’d forgotten how incredibly visceral being collared for play is, how tied into something primal inside of me it is, how just reading this plucks that need for subjugation in me,Read more …

Wicked Wednesday – Losing Control

Nov 14, 2018 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 3

I love this topic. There are so many ways control – having it, losing it, giving it up, having it taken from me – lives large in my life. I love it, I need it, I want it; I want to give it up, want it taken from me, want to lose it. I am struggling all the time to gain it, to maintain it; control of my diet, of my daily habits, of myself is an on-going battle. In my relationship with V, I say “take it” and then I struggle against him and fight against losing the control that I say I want to give up. Control is, of course, at the heart of my D/s relationship with Viper. More than the sadism/masochism, more than the rough sex, being controlled is at the very deepest heart of my submission to him; it’s what makes me tick, what IRead more …

The Weekend at Kinky Kollege

Oct 31, 2018 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 8

A Play-by-Play (sort of) Friday I have such a goddamned piss-poor memory. Here I am, at Kinky Kollege in Chicago, trying to remember if I have been to this event alone before. I remember doing a scene with my friend Bad Beast, and saying goodbye to him the next day…and I was alone then…so…I must have? But I don’t remember traveling up here or being here alone. So I’m confused. Was that the “Play to Red” scene time…I don’t think so. Mj was there. Adam and Warren were there. So no. So when was it? I am also remembering going to Cope alone. But also driving back from Cope with Viper. So…it must have been two different times. Did I play those other times, when I was alone? I don’t remember that either. Anyway, I’m here now, at Kinky Kollege (a twice a year kink con in Chicago) alone. Well,Read more …

Here and Gone

Oct 21, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 0

Fall always creeps up on me, surprising me (though lord knows by now it shouldn’t) with its steadily decreasing sunlight, and bringing with it the gift of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I feel querulous, easily-agitated and lethargic; I find it hard to focus at times and experience anxiety far more frequently; my sleep patterns are disrupted and the sleep I do get is usually broken. I’ve started taking a prescription at night again to help me sleep, something I haven’t done in months, although I feel like I want to stay in bed all day, every day. I’m on a combination of two meds, at a low dose, year-round. My previous primary and I had finally found a combination that didn’t mess with my sexual appetite or ability to orgasm, and was low enough that I didn’t feel zombified, so I’d be willing to take it year-round, instead of goingRead more …

A pause, a moment, a breath.

I woke this morning from a dream I had in which W was alive, only to remember that he wasn’t in the moments after I woke. That’s always a painful moment, when the realization hits – oh, wait, he’s not here anymore. This time, unlike some others when he has shown up in my dreams, I didn’t have the bittersweet joy – albeit short-lived, whist dreaming – of talking to him, of seeing him, of experiencing him alive once more, because in this dream I didn’t get to talk to him. I dreamed I was trying to each him via cell phone, but could not. I woke, reaching for my phone, to text him – “Call me!” Of course he never will. I don’t feel the overwhelming sadness at that thought that I used to, now. It comes with the understanding that our time has passed; that his time has.Read more …