A Self-Care Champion

Damn I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. Well, not “writing” writing – you know, hot, steamy, messy, sexy writing – but lots of the writing that I originally created my blog for. It didn’t start out as a sex blog. I think that evolution happened with W. I was having all these amazing sexy encounters (with accompanying pics) and…well, I wanted to show them off. What we were doing, in images and words. I have never been able to color inside the lines, though, so my blog became a story as well, not just a series of encounters. It became the story of our lives – W’s, Ad’s and mine – as well as an account of all the sex we got up to. I really wanted to write about relationship dynamics, about being poly in a mono world, about being kinky in a non-kink world, and IRead more …

Weekend Update

Oct 1, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 2

it’s hard to update on my phone, but I’m too lazy to get out the laptop or even my tablet. I’m laying here in bed drinking a vodka and Rum Chata (I either want to kiss or kill the coworker who introduced me to the stuff), after a full day of cleaning, puzzling, cooking and spending bits of time with Viper, who stayed over last night, and Adam, who I met for breakfast. It was a good day, though I had a brief sad period about 3/4 of the way through, feeling lonely. The roommate is out of town, V is with his family and Ad, well. He’s at his place. But I’ve recovered from that, and am feeling okay. This was a busy weekend. Friday I reached out to an acquaintance I have known in the scene for years, but who I have never actually spent time with outsideRead more …

Time keeps on slipping, slipping…

Sep 28, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff | 1

And here it is almost a week since Ad walked out with my words in the air between us: “I can’t do this anymore. I need someone who will take the initiative in his own life, who will take agency to make the life that he wants and needs.” He asked to have some time on Sunday for us to talk. I know he has been working through what I said, what his feelings are and what he wants in his life — I was going to type, “I hope that’s me,” but that’s not exactly what I mean. I know he wants me. That’s never been in question. I want to know what he wants, for himself, for his life. And I want to know that he will and is making steps to make that so – even if it does not involve me. Anyway. Here I am on a FridayRead more …

All healing is first a healing of the heart

Sep 26, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff, Wicked Wednesday | 6

I can probably say I know a lot about healing. Not that I have suffered that much in my life. Seriously, I have been blessed in so many ways. But I have had to find a way to go on, as most of us do, after a tragedy. And I have found it. I believe I have found the path to healing because I have been so very blessed. To do anything else would be to throw the gifts of love and kindness and support away; to deny their power and importance in my life. And so, I find my way to a place of healing, even when I believe there is none.   This is truth, although, in the depths of being broken, I did not know it. I am better now than I ever was. Pain has sharpened my humility; sorrow has deepened my empathy. I am stronger,Read more …

Trainwrecks and Ravines

Sep 25, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I feel like, somewhere between last Friday and today, my life went completely off the rails, and I am left standing here, staring down at the wreckage of the train, smoking and twisted at the bottom of the ravine. It’s not that dramatic, of course. Well, it felt that way…and sometimes, still does, when I am stumbling and grasping for a handhold, for a way through this to the other side, and all I come up with is…a blank wall. Absolutely no idea how to make things better, how to turn things around. How to stop that train from derailing. It’s those moments when I just want this to be a normal Tuesday, when I might or might not text Adam to come over, or to meet me out. When my choices are between taking a nice long walk or being lazy and reading in bed, or maybe watching NetflixRead more …

Fractures

Sep 24, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Relationship Stuff | 1

My heart is heavy this morning. I haven’t heard from Ad since he walked out Friday night saying, “I guess I’ve got some things to work out.” I had just finished telling him that I needed more from a relationship – from our relationship. I need someone that is enthusiastic about the world. Who has curiosity and passion, who has initiative and motivation to do the things that need doing in order to make his world better. I need someone who is passionate about love and loving and me. Who has sexual energy as well as intellectual energy. Somebody with ideas and opinions and who brings as much to the table as I do. Who is an active participant in our relationship, not just a passenger. I am not surprised I haven’t heard from him, and I am not expecting him to reach out to me, to try to solveRead more …

I don’t know where to go with this.

Sep 21, 2018 | Posted by in Relationship Stuff | 6

I’m not the kind of person that breaks up with a lover over and over, only to go back to them. Except fuck, yeah, I’ve tried to break up with Viper half a dozen times, and haven’t succeeded. But not with Adam. Adam and I broke up tonight. I’m not sure where or how to go from here.

Girls’ Weekend, cont.

Sep 20, 2018 | Posted by in Life Before, Scavenger Hunt, Throwback Thursday | 0

First, in honor of the weekend, a Scavenger Hunt that I did years ago in Chicago, after a 4-mile walk down the Lake Michigan shoreline with Ad and W. I had a couple of reminders about that trip while I was in Chicago this last time, so it seemed fitting that I would do a Throwback Thursday Scavenger Hunt featuring it. I tried to find the posts I wrote about the trip in Kink & Poly, so I could reference it for anyone was interested in reading about it, but that was a little too deep down memory lane, and I gave up. In any case, the memory of these pictures makes me happy. It was a trip where W and Ad and I had brought W’s granddaughter’s moose stuffie along with us and took pictures of it everywhere, so he could share his travels with her. And where, whenRead more …

Give it to Me Loud

Sep 13, 2018 | Posted by in Uncategorized | 2

For some reason, when I first saw the title of someone else’s post on this week’s Food for Thought Friday prompt (“Being Vocal” by submissy), my mind went straight to Viper telling me dirty stories – and making me tell him dirty stories – during sex. Then I thought about the way being talked to a certain way during play turns me on. And the way just a change in tone of voice can make me wet – or make me feel contrite. And I started getting all excited, because that’s what good writing and fantasies – even my own – does to me. Then I read the actual prompt, and I realized they weren’t talking about that at all – they are asking about the sounds you, and/or your partner(s), make during sex. Ohhhhh! Well that’s a whole ‘nuther thing now, innit? But maybe not so much. Lots ofRead more …

Someday…

“Someday” is a really hard concept for me. I have always been an “in the moment” person. Delayed gratification has never been my strong suit. One of my earliest memories is one I am ashamed of, and yet so epitomizes me in regards to delayed gratification. My “real” dad, my biological father, got to see me only every other Saturday, and even that my mom and stepdad did their best to ruin or minimize if they could. We’d go on some adventure, and then, on the way back to my mom’s, we’d split a Hershey bar. It was our special treat (and it is my favorite chocolate to this day.) On this Saturday, he was running late in getting me back to my mom. I didn’t know then what I  do now: any minor transgression my mom would report to the court, to use against my father to deny himRead more …