Tag Archives: letting go

Day 7 – Risks

I’ve missed and/or jumbled up my days. My participation has not been 100% on #DearJune either, but I’m okay with that. Well, I think about it a bit, because I couldn’t be me if I didn’t let it bother me a little, but not so bad as it might have done. I give myself a frowny face and then move on. Anyway, here’s the post I made on Instagram for (what I think was) Day 7, the prompt being “risks.” On the heels of a post that felt entirely appropriate at the time – and I will not deny my own experience of things – but in the light of day I realize was…an emotional reaction, and possibly not the best representation of the situation…this post means a lot to me. It reminds of the risks I took when I decided to give my submission and my love to another.Read more …

Day 4 – Forgetting

The prompt for today’s #dearjune is not an easy one for me. I thought about making light of it, joking about how I have a memory like a sieve, haha. (I do. Not so haha, but there it is. Some people have good brains, mine’s a little hole-y.) But I couldn’t do it and write something truthful, and, if I am going to put words to paper for posterity (or as long as computer memory lasts) I choose to always write my truth. I get that it might not be someone else’s – I know the story about the elephant and the blind men – but it’s mine, and that is all I can write. So of course, the words “memory” and “forgetting” always have to do with W. Even when I don’t want them to. Wait, what? What does that mean, “When I don’t want them to”? That soundsRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – G is for Green (and So is #SinfulSunday)

I’m cheating a little: I missed “F” on Saturday in the #AtoZChallenge, and today is not supposed to be a letter day according to the official calendar, but this week is a theme day for Sinful Sunday, and it just happens that the theme is the letter G, so… long story short, I’m doing my G post for the #AtoZChallenge on Sunday instead of Monday. There’s a perfectly valid reason I missed Saturday – I was with Adam all day and Viper all night; consciously choosing to spend less time with both makes the time I do spend with them very focused – on being present with them, on paying attention to how we spend our time, whether it’s spent curled up napping on the couch with the dog, or playing a game of Pass the Pigs in which points = whacks with the implement of the winner’s choice. (IRead more …

#AtoZChallenge – A is for Abundance

This month I am once again participating – officially, this time – in the A to Z Blogging Challenge. It’s been for around for a few years now – ten, actually, according to their website, though I have only participated in it unofficially once, last year. (I didn’t hear about it till after the cut-off to sign-up had closed, so I just did it on my own.) I can’t recall just now if I actually finished it (what, me, not finish a thing? ha!) but I do remember that it gave me a boost in motivation and a prompt to write to daily, which I always enjoy. This time I am an “official” A to Z’er – you can find me listed on this spreadsheet along with dozens of other bloggers. Originally I hadn’t planned to blog to a theme (isn’t sex and kink and relationships enough of a theme?) but after givingRead more …

Forward by the scruff of my neck

I’m moving forward, if incrementally, into a more stable emotional space. I am hoping that feeling better will spur my motivation to write, as well – you know, like the sexy, naughty stuff – but we will see. At the moment, I’m not feeling any sexy, naughty stuff, much less doing any sexy naughty stuff, so it’s kind of a moot point, but, you know, it could happen. Or I could write fiction. As it stands, V and I are kind of in a holding pattern. We’re not off, but we’re not exactly on, either, as I struggle through the emotional morass I have found myself in. We’re holding still. We’re communicating (sometimes a lot) and mostly in healthy ways, and still seeing each other our two times/week. Last weekend we even saw each other in the middle of a weekend day (gasp.) But things aren’t entirely – or even remotely –Read more …

It’s 11:45 p.m. Do you know where your sleep is?

Feb 20, 2019 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 2

I can’t find mine. I’ve fallen into the habit of not being able to settle down to write until after 10 or 11 at night, and not finishing up and being able to try to sleep till after midnight or 1 a.m. And then, sometimes, not even then. It’s wreaking havoc with my daylight hours; I am drowsy and nod off at my desk, I nap at lunch, I am bleary and unfocused. I yawn all day. I want to train myself out of it – make myself go to bed earlier, forsake my laptop, do all the things they say you’re supposed to do for good mental and physical health – but then I won’t get any writing done, and now that I’ve started again it’s like a flood of words in my head and I Have To Get Them Out. Or what, I don’t know. Part of thisRead more …

June 21 – A Learning Curve

Jun 21, 2018 | Posted by in Every Damn Day in June, Everyday Jade, Uncategorized | 0

I suck at conflict resolution. I didn’t realize that until recently, though. I thought, because there was so little conflict in my marriage, in my relationship with Adam, and in my relationship with W, that that meant I was super good at resolving things in a healthy manner. Go me! And I believe I also thought the inverse of that: because there have been conflicts in my relationship with V, there’s something wrong with it. But that’s not exactly true. The truth is that (I have only recently come to realize) there were few conflicts in my previous long-term relationships because my way of “resolving” a potential conflict was to either, a) run away from it, or b) give in so there was no conflict. I knew I was conflict-averse. That’s a fact of being me: I go to any lengths to avoid conflicts. The realization was that avoiding allRead more …

G is for Goodbye

“Goodbye Norma Jean,” in particular. Why that? Well. Let me tell you. I’d been flailing about for a few days, reaching for, and never quite finding, a good “G” word. Of course there is “Gratitude.” And that is always an important one for me to muse on, to internalize, to write and think about. But…every other word so far has felt like…inspiration. A gift, urging me to write, in a time when writing hasn’t been a thing. How do I explain it, when a thing is so important to you…when it’s such an integral part of you that imagining it gone is inconceivable…and then it is. Gone. Just like that. A neat, precise incision cut out of your very center, like with an apple corer. A hole punched in you. That was how my writing has been for me. Until just these last few days. I don’t know what itRead more …

Just Because I Feel Like Writing

Jan 11, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 1

I don’t have a theme to this post, or anything in particular I need to get off my chest, to work through, to say. I’m just feeling…chatty, I guess, feeling like nattering on about inconsequential things, something I haven’t done here in quite awhile. Sometimes it seems like everything I write here has to be “Important” with a capital “I”, or that I am so bound up in things that are happening and desperate to walk my way through them in writing (because that’s how I work things out best) that everything I write is heavy with the weight of its own significance (at least to me.) But tonight…no, I just feel like writing. I was so inspired I couldn’t even wait until I got home (though once here I did do two hours of homework before I allowed myself blog time.) Here is what I “wrote” via voice whileRead more …

Take Two

Mar 22, 2016 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Life Before | 7

I have been working on a long, depressing blog post for more than a month. This month marks a year since The Thing That Happened Last February. February 28th marks the last time I saw him alive, though he lived – hidden by his family from me – for another 23 days. It’s been a rough two months. I’ve written words about it these two months. Many of them, in fact. I’ve written words and cried tears and written more words. I’ve tried to write about other things, but those are the only words I’ve managed to write. And while I’ve done that, while I’ve struggled to make sense of a world that felt like it stopped in February of last year, the world has proved me wrong, and gone on. February is just another month, as is March. Warren was just another person who died. Lots of people diedRead more …