Tag Archives: relationships

Strategy 101

Jul 4, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 0

I’m not good at strategy games. Chess is so far beyond my ken as to be a game played in a foreign language. I just can’t think that far in the future, can’t begin to anticipate my own moves, much less anyone else’s. And I have absolutely no desire to manipulate people or situations. In case it isn’t abundantly clear, I’m talking about how I manage myself in relationships as well. I’m not good at games where each side is premeditating and calculating every move. When I try to anticipate, to do something that will effect a specific result, I invariably fall short. Yes, I can see a little ahead. I’m not blind to consequences and how what I do now affects what happens later. But I’m not good at strategizing. At planning my moves to achieve a certain outcome. And I don’t necessarily want to be. I mean, IRead more …

June 21 – A Learning Curve

Jun 21, 2018 | Posted by in Every Damn Day in June, Everyday Jade, Uncategorized | 0

I suck at conflict resolution. I didn’t realize that until recently, though. I thought, because there was so little conflict in my marriage, in my relationship with Adam, and in my relationship with W, that that meant I was super good at resolving things in a healthy manner. Go me! And I believe I also thought the inverse of that: because there have been conflicts in my relationship with V, there’s something wrong with it. But that’s not exactly true. The truth is that (I have only recently come to realize) there were few conflicts in my previous long-term relationships because my way of “resolving” a potential conflict was to either, a) run away from it, or b) give in so there was no conflict. I knew I was conflict-averse. That’s a fact of being me: I go to any lengths to avoid conflicts. The realization was that avoiding allRead more …

Dear Younger Me…

Today is a better day. I woke up eager to write, in fact so much so that I left V’s house early so I could come in early to work to do so. I’d forgotten how much I like to be in the office before anyone else. Our hallway is dark, their offices too, this side of the building is quiet. It’s not that different when they are here, to be truthful, but without the extra bodies it’s just…peaceful. Oh, ha, I know why it feels good: it reminds me of working from home. It reminds me of getting up in the morning just at dawn in the Treehouse. I miss it there, sometimes. How colorful it was, how peaceful up there in the trees. I don’t miss not being able to walk everywhere; not having a wonderful park right in my neighborhood and the Botanical Gardens practically next door;Read more …

And another challenge

Jun 4, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Every Damn Day in June | 0

This time, my own – the challenge I feel to write when I feel like I do right now. I don’t like to write here when I feel like everything is shit. When I’m down, when it feels like nothing will work out right, I don’t want to pollute this space. Also, I am very aware that words I write here are not private. I always have to censor myself to a degree. And frankly, it’s hard to do when I feel like this. I have, in fact, written this post 3 or 4 times and deleted how and why I am feeling the way I am. But it’s Every Damn Day, so here I am. There was retail therapy this afternoon. I know, not a good way to deal with emotional distress. But I got some adorable dresses out of it. Of course it will cause more angst when theRead more …

Unexpected

Every damn day, right? I think I have more “profound” thoughts first thing in the AM, but my morning was spent making breakfast for V, getting a little whacking-at-my-request from him, and then seeing him off while I went outside to work in the yard before it got too hot. That was five hours and four garbage bins full of weeds ago. The backyard looks neater, if not green, because it’s never really had grass growing in it. But we have tiger lilies and I planted hostas, and now I have a raised bed full of vegetables that are actually growing. Like CRAZY. So I’m happy with my day’s labor. If a bit sore. Adam just got here with soaker hoses, a splitter and a timer, too, to automate the watering process. And now we are looking at sod for a small, square piece of the yard. I’m not aRead more …

When even a massage doesn’t help.

May 31, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Relationship Stuff | 0

This evening my massage therapist asked me what I’d like to get out of my massage, and I said, in complete honesty, please just take me out of my head. I had had a rough day on multiple fronts, not the least of which was my car – after I had driven it away from the mechanic, supposedly fixed – doing the same thing that had gotten it towed to the mechanics in the first place. Back to the drawing board. There were other things, too, interpersonal things, relationship bullshit that I really think we should all just be beyond, and just general life crap. Sometimes, really? I want to just say fuck it and walk away. Unfortunately this tale doesn’t have a happy ending like, oh she was so amazing all my worries were massaged away! Nope, instead she chatted the entire massage. I’ve had her before and notRead more …

Primaries and Hierarchical Poly

May 25, 2018 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade | 1

I’ve been doing a lot of painting lately, which lends itself to a lot of rumination. And what I’ve been pondering the last few weeks is the notion of “primaries,” in relationship structure. In particular, my relationship structure with Adam. Adam and I have been living apart for some time now (a little over a year.) And as I’ve noted, I really enjoy my solo life – and in addition, I enjoy the time I do spend with him a lot more. I’ve finally structured my life in a way that works for me: I see V twice a week, with him over at my house 2 Mondays a month and one weekend night (I’d like this to be more flexible, with some daytime activities or additional time thrown in there, but for now I am okay with things); I see Adam one weekend night and one weekend day, plusRead more …

S, T, U…

OMG I have been running non-stop since the Thursday before last. The last update I made, as I sat poolside in Vegas, may have been the last moment I had to just sit and contemplate things until now, and even now I am sneaking in this writing while I am at work. So yeah, the #AtoZBloggingChallenge fell by the wayside — though I kept up (more or less) with my daily orgasms, which effort may be chronicled here in future if I ever get time to do so. BUT…since I still have one day left in April, I thought I’d try to fill in the alphabet gaps between the letter R and the letter Z in one extended blog post. Just because. Author’s note: I only got through to U before I had to take a break. Sooo…there will be more to come, because I’m stubborn like that! S isRead more …

G is for Goodbye

Apr 7, 2018 | Posted by in A-Z Blogging Challenge, Life Before | 2

“Goodbye Norma Jean,” in particular. Why that? Well. Let me tell you. I’d been flailing about for a few days, reaching for, and never quite finding, a good “G” word. Of course there is “Gratitude.” And that is always an important one for me to muse on, to internalize, to write and think about. But…every other word so far has felt like…inspiration. A gift, urging me to write, in a time when writing hasn’t been a thing. How do I explain it, when a thing is so important to you…when it’s such an integral part of you that imagining it gone is inconceivable…and then it is. Gone. Just like that. A neat, precise incision cut out of your very center, like with an apple corer. A hole punched in you. That was how my writing has been for me. Until just these last few days. I don’t know what itRead more …

E is for Everything

I go from nothing to everything in the blink of an eye. One day I’m not writing at all, not participating in any blogging memes, not even thinking about writing for publication again…the next I’m in a daily writing challenge, mulling over new calls for submission, and writing like a mad woman. I’ve barely exercised for weeks and all of sudden I have joined a yoga studio, have downloaded a daily exercise app, and am looking at a biking challenge. I don’t go to the grocery store or cook at home for weeks, and then I lose myself in the grocery store for two hours, carefully planning out each breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next week two weeks. And oh yes, lest I forget: I have decided to also participate in a daily orgasm meme. Manic much? No, it’s not that. But I do reach a point of saturation,Read more …