Tag Archives: W

G is for Goodbye

Apr 7, 2018 | Posted by in A-Z Blogging Challenge, Life Before | 2

“Goodbye Norma Jean,” in particular. Why that? Well. Let me tell you. I’d been flailing about for a few days, reaching for, and never quite finding, a good “G” word. Of course there is “Gratitude.” And that is always an important one for me to muse on, to internalize, to write and think about. But…every other word so far has felt like…inspiration. A gift, urging me to write, in a time when writing hasn’t been a thing. How do I explain it, when a thing is so important to you…when it’s such an integral part of you that imagining it gone is inconceivable…and then it is. Gone. Just like that. A neat, precise incision cut out of your very center, like with an apple corer. A hole punched in you. That was how my writing has been for me. Until just these last few days. I don’t know what itRead more …

A is for Arousal

Reading Marie of Rebel’s Notes’ Sinful Sunday post today reminded me that April is the month for the A-Z Blogging Challenge. I participated one year a few years ago, and another year we played our own A-Z blogging game, our public-rope-themed Alphabet Challenge (which was way more fun than any three people should be allowed to have together, and gave me so many wonderful memories with W – all chronicled in my then-blog, Kink and Poly.) I am still awed by the sheer volume of writings I did there, by the friends I made through that blog, by the way it not only chronicled our lives – W’s, Ad’s and mine, as well as my children’s and others who we came into contact with – through the years, but by the way it informed our lives together. It was, in the way that a location sometimes becomes a character of its own inRead more …

Labels

Sep 21, 2017 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Who Is Pieces of Jade? | 1

I learned a brand new-to-me term for a poly partner: anchor partner. I’m familiar with primary partner, of course, and nesting partner, but “anchor” is a new one to me. I believe it encompasses exactly what role Adam is in my life, though. I’ve never had an issue with labels. Language and the words we use are how we communicate ideas to one another. Unlike some people, I don’t feel that a label is necessarily limiting, nor does it have to be all-encompassing. To me, a label is a starting point. A place where we can pause and reflect, and then expound upon it – or not – as needed. When I was with W and Adam, W insisted on a hierarchical approach to labeling our relationships. Adam was “primary,” W was “secondary.” He insisted on it being that way. But it was not very long before I knew thatRead more …

Catching Up

Author’s note: I’ve started and stopped this post so many times, written and pondered and wanted to finish it and not done so time and again. I finally gave it up as too long ago to matter, but now here I am again, though the “why” I’m back revisiting family relationships and dynamics is different: I’m staying at my mom’s this week to keep her company while my stepdad goes back East to sit vigil on his youngest sister, who has been in a coma since a heart attack last week, and who was diagnosed with inoperable, stage 4 lung cancer the month that this trip happened. I had never met her before this and now…I have bonds to this family that weren’t mine until this trip. I’m struggling to disentangle my feelings about it all. So this post begins with my musings from yesterday about all this, and thenRead more …

Take Two

Mar 22, 2016 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Life Before | 7

I have been working on a long, depressing blog post for more than a month. This month marks a year since The Thing That Happened Last February. February 28th marks the last time I saw him alive, though he lived – hidden by his family from me – for another 23 days. It’s been a rough two months. I’ve written words about it these two months. Many of them, in fact. I’ve written words and cried tears and written more words. I’ve tried to write about other things, but those are the only words I’ve managed to write. And while I’ve done that, while I’ve struggled to make sense of a world that felt like it stopped in February of last year, the world has proved me wrong, and gone on. February is just another month, as is March. Warren was just another person who died. Lots of people diedRead more …

Turning Corners

Jan 22, 2016 | Posted by in Being Poly, Everyday Jade, Life Before | 9

I’m feeling some need to bring you, my dear readers, up-to-date on my life. I have received so many kind notes, emails and comments, and I feel truly blessed by the kindness of strangers, and those not so strange, alike. I am humbled by it, to be truthful. I know most of you that followed K&P are now aware of the tragedy that befell our little triad last year. And some of you have seen as I’ve stumbled forward, one halting step at a time, into a new life. It was not the one I had chosen, and I can also say that it wasn’t the one that I wanted, although “wanting” is a moving target. Does wanting this life now mean that I’m glad I don’t have the other? Does being happy now mean I’m happy without W? I don’t think so, but I still struggle with these feelingsRead more …

Word Play

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Kinky Stuff, Life Before | 0

It’s been awhile since I’ve had to think about how I define myself, about the meaning of certain words that we, as a community, use to define our roles; as well as (and sometimes as opposed to) how we, as individuals, define and label ourselves. I’ve always been a proponent of using labels – as a starting point. Humans need to be able to communicate with words, especially as so much communication takes place in text and as so much of our lifestyle depends on the definitions of roles. One way to embark on effective communication about who you are is to find a word to use as a starting point and discuss what it means to you, individually, and how that mirrors – or differs from – their definition. Thus, labels. W and I had several years to discuss, hash out and refine what we meant when we saidRead more …

Blurred Lines

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Kinky Stuff, Life Before | 0

Who am I without him? No, I am not asking in the way that I did in those first dark days when the question was actually, “how do I live my life without him in it”…I’m asking it as an honest exploration of self, of what it means to be me…me without him to reflect off of, me with only myself to answer to, me as a woman, as a submissive, as a kinky person, as an “s” without a “D”. As a single submissive. How much of what I desired, of what I wanted in BDSM and in sex, was really wanted I wanted, as opposed to what he wanted? I wanted what he wanted. I wanted to be what he wanted me to be. I was a reflection of his desire, of his need, of his Dominance. I was the creature he had created. That is what itRead more …

Lessons Everywhere

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Life Before | 0

This morning a friend on FB sent me an an article, The Grief of Pain. Beautiful, tragic, poignant. Definitely worth the read. In it the author, a teacher, discusses the movie “Up” and its theme of coming to terms with grief with his students, even as he himself learns to deal with tragedy in his own life. This: “…overcoming grief is not about forgetting the past ever happened, thereby erasing what had come before. Instead, the process of grieving is meant to teach us how to fashion a new life in altered circumstances — one that is not less meaningful, just different. The life after grief is not a shadow of what might have been, nor is it second best. The life after grief runs parallel to the life abandoned, and it is as full of beauty and tragedy as any other of the many lives we might have lived.” Wow, lessonsRead more …

Silence

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Life Before | 0

I’ve written about silence a time or twelve in my blog before, but always in the context of the BDSM play…being gagged, being told to be silent. It was hot, it was exciting, it could be humiliating, it could be a huge turn-on. I loved it, because I love to talk, and having my voice taken from me is powerful. Since W’s death, silence has a new meaning for me. I used to work in silence, all day. When I worked from my home office, I never turned on the TV, didn’t play music and even kept the sound off on my laptop. There was no one home for 8 hours a day but me and the dog, and I didn’t visit with neighbors. Same thing when I was working at my old office. Coworkers referred to my office as my cave because I’d disappear into it and not comeRead more …