Tag Archives: W

Silence

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Life Before | 0

I’ve written about silence a time or twelve in my blog before, but always in the context of the BDSM play…being gagged, being told to be silent. It was hot, it was exciting, it could be humiliating, it could be a huge turn-on. I loved it, because I love to talk, and having my voice taken from me is powerful. Since W’s death, silence has a new meaning for me. I used to work in silence, all day. When I worked from my home office, I never turned on the TV, didn’t play music and even kept the sound off on my laptop. There was no one home for 8 hours a day but me and the dog, and I didn’t visit with neighbors. Same thing when I was working at my old office. Coworkers referred to my office as my cave because I’d disappear into it and not come…Read more …

Holding a space for grief and peace at the same time

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Life Before | 0

I’ve been invited to M & V’s house they just bought at the Lake of the Ozarks for the weekend, and I am sitting in my room here, looking out at my deck into the trees beyond, filled with gratitude for being allowed to experience this. It is so peaceful here. A balm to my raw, ragged emotions of the past few weeks. Tall, green trees surround the house, standing like sentinels, guarding this space, holding it still and safe. My bedroom looks out into their midst, my deck like a treehouse in the green. The water, just beyond, is like glass, the rising sun glimmering on its surface. There is an owl somewhere just beyond my bedroom, his voice mournful and inquisitive. Last night we went over to friends of theirs, on the other side of the lake. The busy side. It was fun, and I can see what…Read more …

This is me without W

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Life Before | 0

I don’t have the energy to detail everything that has changed so abruptly in my life…it’s too much and still too painful to treat like a piece of prose, like a blog entry. Some of you know the details, those that don’t and continue to read here will probably read about it all in bits and pieces in the coming months. Suffice it to say, by way of explanation for my absence from Fetlife, from kink, from blogging, from social media (if explanation is needed) that my beloved W, WoodDemon, passed away unexpectedly in March after a sudden, catastrophic illness. As sometimes happens with families after the sudden demise of a family member who was involved in “alternative” relationships, his family, who I had been close to before, excommunicated and demonized my other partner HandsOn (Adam) and I. They refused to let us see him as he lay dying in…Read more …

This is my medicated life

Dec 24, 2015 | Posted by in Everyday Jade, Life Before | 0

Well, not really. This is the addendum to K&P. What came “after.” I don’t have the heart to post it there, to see all that was, every time I come here, so I have created this space. I don’t know what the future of this space is. Will I one day want to post kinky stuff, sexy stuff? Will I ever be sexy or kinky again? Adam and I had sex tonight. The second time since all this started more than two months ago. I came, and I cried. I don’t know how to make a new start. Tomorrow is W’s memorial. This is not the “official” one, with his family, that will happen sometime later on Cape Cod, where he will be buried. I am not invited to that one. This is for “us” – me, Ad, my daughter and son, all his kinky friends. The people and life…Read more …